Navigating the Void: Understanding and Overcoming Feelings of Emptiness
The pervasive sense of emptiness, the feeling that something crucial is missing, is a common emotional landscape that many individuals navigate. In this article, we’ll explore the roots of this emptiness, its connection to mental health, coping mechanisms, and proactive strategies to ensure its prolonged absence.
Understanding the Roots of Emptiness
Psychological Origins: Emptiness often has psychological roots, stemming from unresolved trauma, unmet emotional needs, or a lack of fulfillment in life. It can manifest as a void that seems insurmountable.
Existential Questions: Questions of purpose and meaning can contribute to feelings of emptiness. When individuals grapple with the “why” and “what for” aspects of life, a sense of hollowness may take root.
Connection to Mental Health
Depression and Anxiety: Emptiness is often intertwined with mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. It can be both a symptom and a contributor to the ongoing challenges of these conditions.
Relationship with Trauma: Individuals who have experienced trauma may carry a persistent sense of emptiness. Unresolved trauma can leave an emotional void that requires careful and compassionate exploration.
Coping Strategies for Emptiness
Therapeutic Intervention: Seeking the guidance of a mental health professional is crucial. Therapists can provide a safe space to explore the roots of emptiness and develop coping mechanisms tailored to individual needs.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices that foster mindfulness and meditation can help individuals stay present and grounded. These techniques promote self-awareness and an acceptance of the current emotional state.
Creative Expression: Engaging in creative outlets, whether through art, writing, or other forms of expression, can provide a channel for processing emotions and filling the void with self-discovery.
Connectivity: Building and nurturing meaningful connections with others can be a powerful antidote to emptiness. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members, fostering a sense of belonging.
Preventing the Return of Emptiness
Setting and Achieving Goals: Establish meaningful goals that align with your values. The pursuit and attainment of these objectives can infuse life with a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Cultivating Gratitude: Regularly practicing gratitude can shift focus from what is lacking to what is present. Acknowledging and appreciating positive aspects of life can counteract feelings of emptiness.
Self-Reflection and Growth: Embrace a continuous journey of self-reflection and personal growth. Learning more about oneself and evolving as an individual contributes to a sense of fulfillment.
Engaging in Hobbies: Dedicate time to activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Hobbies can provide a sense of purpose and act as a buffer against the return of emptiness.
Conclusion
Feelings of emptiness, though daunting, are not insurmountable. By understanding their origins, seeking professional support, and implementing coping strategies, individuals can navigate this emotional terrain. Moreover, adopting proactive measures such as goal-setting, gratitude practices, and personal growth can contribute to a sustained sense of fulfillment, minimizing the likelihood of emptiness resurfacing. Remember, the journey toward a more meaningful and fulfilling life is ongoing, and each step taken in the direction of self-discovery is a triumph over the void.
In the journey of success, the presence of haters often emerges as an unexpected but valuable companion. In this exploration, we’ll delve into the definition of a hater, the historical perspective on haters, and why, paradoxically, having haters may be a sign of achievement. We’ll explore the psychological impact of facing criticism, how it often accompanies success, and practical strategies to cope with the stress and protect oneself from the naysayers.
Defining Haters: A Historical Perspective
A “hater” is often defined as someone who harbors intense dislike or resentment towards another person’s success or achievements. Throughout history, notable figures have faced their share of critics and naysayers:
Winston Churchill: “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
Oscar Wilde: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
These quotes highlight the idea that facing opposition or criticism often accompanies taking a stance or achieving something noteworthy.
The Link Between Success and Haters
Indicator of Success: It’s a curious paradox that those who achieve notable success often find themselves with a chorus of critics. The absence of haters may suggest that one hasn’t ventured into spaces that challenge the status quo or pushed boundaries.
Only the Successful Have Haters: History is replete with examples of groundbreaking individuals who faced vehement opposition, from inventors and artists to political leaders. It’s a testament to the fact that trailblazers often provoke discomfort in those resistant to change.
Coping with Haters and Managing Stress
Shift Your Perspective: View criticism as a reflection of the hater’s insecurities rather than a judgment on your worth. Understanding that it’s more about them than you can be a powerful mindset shift.
Focus on the Positive Feedback: Balance the negative with the positive. Acknowledge and celebrate the support and encouragement you receive from those who genuinely appreciate your efforts.
Learn from Constructive Criticism: Differentiate between mindless hate and constructive criticism. Haters may occasionally offer valid points. Use this feedback to refine your approach and grow personally and professionally.
Protecting Yourself from Haters
Establish Boundaries: Protect your mental well-being by establishing boundaries. Limit exposure to negative comments and create a supportive network that uplifts rather than tears down.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care to fortify your emotional resilience. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of fulfillment.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Cultivate a positive environment by surrounding yourself with individuals who support and inspire you. Positive influences can act as a buffer against the negativity from haters.
Conclusion
Having haters in your life, though initially disconcerting, can be reframed as a testament to your achievements and the impact you’re making. It’s a signal that you’re on a path of significance. Embracing this reality, shifting your perspective, and implementing protective strategies can help you navigate the inevitable stress that comes with criticism. Remember, the presence of haters doesn’t diminish your worth or success; rather, it can be a powerful indicator that you’re making a meaningful impact in your chosen field.
The Therapeutic Power of Cleaning: Navigating Anxiety and Childhood Trauma
In the midst of anxiety and the shadows of childhood trauma, a simple act often emerges as a surprising source of solace: cleaning. Many individuals grappling with anxiety find a peculiar comfort in tidying up their physical space. In this exploration, we delve into the psychological underpinnings of this phenomenon and understand why, for some, the act of cleaning can be a therapeutic balm for the soul.
The Connection Between Cleaning and Mental Well-being
Sense of Control: For those dealing with anxiety and the lingering effects of childhood trauma, life can often feel chaotic and unpredictable. Cleaning, in its structured and methodical nature, provides a tangible way to regain a sense of control over one’s environment.
Externalizing Internal Chaos: Anxiety often manifests as internal turmoil. Cleaning becomes a tangible, external expression of the desire to organize and calm the internal chaos. The act of physically cleaning mirrors the internal process of regaining mental order.
Creating a Safe Space: Childhood trauma can leave a lasting impact, making the concept of safety elusive. Cleaning offers an opportunity to create a safe and orderly physical space, acting as a protective cocoon against the uncertainties that anxiety may bring.
Mind-Body Connection: Engaging in physical activities, such as cleaning, releases endorphins and promotes a sense of accomplishment. This mind-body connection contributes to an overall improvement in mood and well-being.
How Cleaning Acts as a Coping Mechanism
Distraction from Intrusive Thoughts: Cleaning provides a constructive distraction from intrusive thoughts and anxieties. Focusing on the immediate task at hand redirects mental energy away from distressing memories or worries.
Ritualistic Calming: The repetitive and ritualistic nature of cleaning can induce a meditative state. It becomes a rhythmic, soothing activity that fosters a sense of calm and inner peace.
Symbolic Renewal: Cleaning often symbolizes renewal and a fresh start. Removing dust and clutter can be metaphorically linked to shedding the weight of past traumas and embracing a new, cleaner chapter.
Acknowledging and Addressing the Root Causes
Professional Support: While cleaning can offer temporary relief, addressing anxiety and childhood trauma at their roots requires professional support. Therapists specializing in trauma can guide individuals through a healing process that goes beyond the surface.
Exploring Alternative Coping Mechanisms: While cleaning can be a powerful coping mechanism, encouraging individuals to explore a diverse range of coping strategies is essential. Mindfulness, creative expression, and physical exercise are valuable alternatives.
Creating a Supportive Environment: Foster an environment where individuals feel safe to express their anxieties and traumas. Cultivating a network of understanding friends, family, or support groups can be crucial in the healing journey.
Conclusion
In the echoes of anxiety and the shadows of childhood trauma, the act of cleaning emerges as a therapeutic beacon. Understanding why cleaning provides comfort is a step toward recognizing the complex interplay between our external environment and internal struggles. While cleaning can offer a sense of order and control, it is crucial to view it as one facet of a holistic approach to mental well-being. By acknowledging and addressing the root causes, seeking professional support, and exploring alternative coping mechanisms, individuals can embark on a journey toward healing that goes beyond the surface of a clean space, reaching into the depths of their emotional well-being.
Motivation is the engine that propels us toward our goals and aspirations. Yet, it remains a complex and elusive force. In this exploration, we’ll unravel the insights of experts on what motivation truly is, how it can be cultivated, the pitfalls that lead to its loss, and the strategies for making it a sustainable force in our lives.
Defining Motivation According to Experts
Experts often describe motivation as the internal or external stimuli that drive and sustain behavior toward a specific goal. It involves a dynamic interplay of psychological, emotional, and environmental factors. Motivation is not a one-size-fits-all concept; its sources and manifestations vary widely among individuals.
How Do We Get More Motivation?
Set Clear and Achievable Goals: Define specific, measurable, and realistic goals. Clarity in objectives provides a roadmap, making the journey seem more manageable and achievable.
Find Intrinsic Meaning: Connecting tasks to personal values and passions enhances intrinsic motivation. Understanding the deeper meaning behind your actions fosters a sense of purpose.
Break Tasks Into Smaller Steps: Overwhelming tasks can stifle motivation. Break them into smaller, more manageable steps to create a sense of progress and accomplishment.
Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. A growth mindset fosters resilience and a positive outlook.
Build a Supportive Environment: Surround yourself with individuals who inspire and encourage you. A supportive environment can be a powerful motivator.
How Do We Lose Motivation?
Lack of Clarity: Ambiguous or poorly defined goals can lead to confusion and a loss of motivation. Ensure your objectives are clear and well-defined.
Burnout and Overwhelm: Overcommitting or taking on too much at once can lead to burnout. Recognize your limits and prioritize self-care to prevent the depletion of motivation.
Lack of Intrinsic Connection: When tasks feel disconnected from personal values or interests, motivation dwindles. Finding meaning in your pursuits is crucial for sustained motivation.
Negative Self-Talk: Persistent negative self-talk can undermine motivation. Cultivate self-compassion and challenge self-limiting beliefs.
Procrastination: Delaying tasks can create a cycle of guilt and anxiety, eroding motivation. Break the cycle by addressing procrastination head-on.
Making Motivation Sustainable
Create Rituals and Habits: Establishing consistent rituals and habits builds momentum over time, making motivation a natural part of your routine.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate even the smallest achievements. Recognizing progress reinforces a positive feedback loop of motivation.
Regularly Reevaluate Goals: As circumstances change, so do goals. Periodically reassess and adjust your objectives to ensure they align with your evolving aspirations.
Balance Challenges and Skills: Engage in activities that strike a balance between challenge and skill. Flow states, where tasks are challenging but manageable, enhance motivation.
Prioritize Self-Care: Maintain physical and mental well-being through regular self-care practices. A healthy body and mind are essential foundations for sustainable motivation.
Conclusion
Motivation, a multifaceted force, is the key to unlocking our potential and achieving our dreams. Understanding its sources, cultivating it effectively, and safeguarding against its erosion are ongoing processes. By integrating expert insights and adopting practical strategies, we can harness the power of motivation to drive positive change in our lives. Remember, motivation is not a finite resource; it’s a dynamic force that can be nurtured and sustained with intention and effort.
As we reflect on Veterans Day, it’s crucial to acknowledge the challenges many veterans face, particularly those dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This invisible battle affects veterans worldwide, impacting their mental well-being. In this article, we’ll delve into the connection between trauma and PTSD, highlight symptoms, explore treatment options, and suggest alternative avenues like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, veterans support groups, and other exercise and social support networks for healing.
Understanding PTSD and Its Roots in Trauma
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that may develop after exposure to a traumatic event. For veterans, combat experiences, witnessing life-threatening events, or dealing with the aftermath of war can contribute to the development of PTSD. Trauma disrupts the normal processing of thoughts and emotions, leading to persistent distress and emotional upheaval.
Recognizing Symptoms of PTSD
Identifying symptoms is crucial for early intervention. Look out for:
Flashbacks and Nightmares: Re-experiencing traumatic events through intrusive memories or nightmares.
Avoidance: Steering clear of reminders of the trauma, including places, people, or activities.
Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood: Persistent negative thoughts, feelings of guilt or shame, and a diminished interest in once-enjoyed activities.
Hyperarousal: Heightened alertness, irritability, difficulty sleeping, and an exaggerated startle response.
Treatment and Coping Skills for PTSD
Therapy: Evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) have shown effectiveness in treating PTSD. These therapies help individuals process traumatic memories and develop coping mechanisms.
Medication: Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications may be prescribed to alleviate symptoms. Consultation with a mental health professional is essential to determine the appropriate medication.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help manage stress and anxiety.
Exercise: Physical activity plays a crucial role in mental health. Regular exercise can reduce symptoms of PTSD by promoting the release of endorphins and improving overall well-being.
Social Support: Connection with friends, family, and fellow veterans is invaluable. Shared experiences foster understanding and reduce feelings of isolation.
Alternative Avenues for Healing
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ): BJJ offers not only physical exercise but also a supportive community. The focus on discipline and control in this martial art can provide a sense of empowerment and mastery.
Veterans Support Groups: Joining veterans support groups creates a safe space for sharing experiences. These groups often understand the unique challenges veterans face and can offer empathetic support.
Outdoor Activities: Nature has a therapeutic effect. Activities like hiking, camping, or fishing can provide a sense of peace and relaxation.
Art and Music Therapy: Creative expression through art or music can be a powerful outlet for processing emotions and fostering self-discovery.
Service Dog Programs: The companionship of a service dog can provide emotional support and assistance with daily tasks, contributing to an improved quality of life.
Conclusion
As we honor our veterans, let’s also recognize the importance of addressing the mental health challenges many of them face. Understanding PTSD, recognizing its symptoms, and promoting accessible and effective treatments are essential steps. Additionally, alternative avenues like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, veterans support groups, and various exercise and social support networks play a crucial role in the healing process.
By fostering a culture of empathy, support, and awareness, we contribute to creating a world where veterans not only receive the recognition they deserve but also the resources and understanding necessary for their mental well-being. Together, let’s extend our gratitude by advocating for the mental health of those who have sacrificed so much for our freedom.
As a psychotherapist, my core belief revolves around the transformative potential of accountability for one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. In this article, we’ll delve into the profound impact of holding oneself accountable, emphasizing that emotions and thoughts are not indisputable facts, and the importance of humility in fostering positive mental health. Additionally, we’ll explore real-world examples of the repercussions of avoiding accountability.
Understanding Accountability in Mental Health
Thoughts and Emotions are not Facts: Embracing the idea that thoughts and emotions are not absolute truths is liberating. They are subjective interpretations influenced by various factors, including past experiences, perceptions, and beliefs.
You Are Not Your Thoughts and Emotions: Recognizing that you are separate from your thoughts and emotions allows for a healthier relationship with them. You have the power to observe, challenge, and change them.
Avoiding Blame and Learning to Cope: Blaming others for how you feel impedes personal growth. Taking accountability opens the door to learning effective coping mechanisms, fostering resilience in the face of life’s challenges.
Processing Before Reacting: The ability to process emotions and thoughts before reacting is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It allows for more thoughtful, measured responses, reducing impulsive actions with potential negative consequences.
Pros of Accountability:
Empowerment: Accountability empowers individuals to take control of their mental well-being. It shifts the focus from external factors to internal empowerment, fostering a sense of control over one’s emotional landscape.
Improved Relationships: Taking responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and actions contributes to healthier relationships. It enables effective communication, empathy, and the ability to navigate disagreements without resorting to blame.
Resilience Building: Accountability strengthens resilience. It encourages individuals to face challenges head-on, learning and growing from experiences rather than succumbing to victimhood.
Personal Growth: Embracing accountability is a catalyst for personal growth. It encourages self-reflection, the willingness to challenge limiting beliefs, and the pursuit of continuous self-improvement.
Emotional Regulation: Accountability plays a crucial role in emotional regulation. It promotes a mindful approach to emotions, allowing for a more balanced and adaptive response to various situations.
The Importance of Humility:
Recognizing Subjectivity: Humility involves acknowledging the subjectivity of one’s beliefs and perspectives. Understanding that your worldview is shaped by personal experiences and opinions fosters openness to alternative viewpoints.
Respecting Differences: Being humble means respecting that others may hold different opinions and perspectives. It encourages a diverse and inclusive mindset, promoting constructive dialogue over conflict.
Continuous Learning: Humility is synonymous with a commitment to continuous learning. It invites curiosity, a willingness to explore new ideas, and adaptability in the face of evolving knowledge.
The Consequences of Avoiding Accountability:
Strained Relationships: Refusing to take accountability in relationships can lead to resentment and a breakdown of trust. It creates an environment where communication falters, hindering the growth and connection between individuals.
Stagnation in Personal Development: A lack of accountability can impede personal growth. When individuals avoid taking responsibility for their actions, they miss valuable opportunities for self-reflection and improvement.
Escalation of Conflict: Without accountability, conflicts escalate. Instead of addressing the root causes, blame-shifting perpetuates a cycle of unresolved issues, making it challenging to find common ground.
Emotional Turmoil: The refusal to acknowledge the impact of one’s thoughts and emotions can result in prolonged emotional turmoil. Unaddressed issues may intensify, leading to heightened stress and anxiety.
Conclusion
Embracing accountability for thoughts, emotions, and behaviors is a powerful journey toward positive mental health. It provides a foundation for empowerment, resilience, and personal growth. Moreover, coupling accountability with humility creates a mindset that not only enhances individual well-being but also fosters harmonious relationships and a broader understanding of the diverse world we inhabit. In the pursuit of mental wellness, remember that accountability is not about perfection but about the ongoing commitment to self-discovery and improvement.
In the intricate dance of relationships, supporting a partner through clinical depression can be an overwhelming challenge. Many of you have expressed the confusion and helplessness that comes with seeing a loved one struggle. One client recently shared, “I’m so overwhelmed; I don’t know how to make my wife happy.” In this article, we’ll explore how to identify depression in your partner, offer support, and prioritize your own mental well-being in the process.
Identifying Depression in Your Partner
Understanding the signs of depression is the first step toward offering meaningful support:
Changes in Behavior: Pay attention to significant shifts in your partner’s behavior, such as withdrawal, irritability, or loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed.
Emotional Distance: Depression often leads to emotional withdrawal. If your partner seems distant or disconnected, it could be a sign of internal struggles.
Sleep and Appetite Changes: Keep an eye on disruptions in sleep patterns or significant changes in appetite, as these can be indicators of emotional distress.
Persistent Sadness or Hopelessness: If your partner consistently expresses feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worthlessness, it may be a sign of depression.
Physical Symptoms: Unexplained aches, pains, or fatigue may also accompany depression.
How to Help Your Partner
While you may not be a mental health professional, your support can make a significant difference:
Encourage Professional Help: Suggest seeking the guidance of a mental health professional. Therapists and psychiatrists are trained to navigate the complexities of depression.
Be a Patient Listener: Create a safe space for your partner to express their feelings without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone to listen can provide immense relief.
Educate Yourself: Learn about depression and its effects. Understanding the condition can help you navigate the challenges and offer more informed support.
Participate in Treatment: If your partner is open to it, attend therapy sessions together. Couples therapy can provide a platform to address both individual and relational challenges.
Encourage Self-Care: Help your partner establish and maintain healthy routines, including regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep.
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting a partner with depression can take a toll on your own well-being. Here’s how to prioritize your mental health:
Set Boundaries: It’s essential to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. Understand your limitations and communicate them with empathy.
Seek Your Own Support System: Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or a therapist for support. Venting and sharing your feelings can be crucial.
Self-Care Rituals: Incorporate self-care into your routine. This can include activities you enjoy, relaxation techniques, or even seeking your own therapy to navigate the challenges.
Maintain Individual Interests: Keep pursuing your hobbies and interests, even if your partner’s depression makes shared activities challenging.
The Dangers/Risks of Living with a Depressed Person
Living with a depressed partner poses its own set of challenges:
Emotional Strain: Constant exposure to a loved one’s emotional struggles can be emotionally draining and may contribute to feelings of helplessness.
Strain on the Relationship: The dynamics of the relationship may shift, leading to increased tension and misunderstandings.
Risk of Codependency: In an attempt to help, you may unintentionally develop codependent patterns, sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of your partner.
Conclusion
Supporting a partner through depression is undoubtedly a complex journey. Remember, it’s okay not to have all the answers, and seeking professional guidance is a sign of strength, not weakness. By understanding the signs, offering meaningful support, and prioritizing your mental health, you can navigate the challenges together and foster a path toward healing. In this shared journey, remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish but a vital component of being able to provide the support your partner needs.
Recently, in my therapy sessions, a couple of clients shared a striking insight: “When I am self-sabotaging, I only see the good in what I’m doing at the moment. I don’t see the chaos that it creates in the long run.” This self-sabotaging behavior, while common, can be incredibly destructive. In this blog post, we’ll delve into what self-sabotage is, why people engage in it, how to recognize it, and most importantly, how to overcome it.
Understanding Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is the act of undermining one’s own goals, well-being, or success. It often involves engaging in behaviors that provide short-term pleasure or relief but lead to negative consequences in the long run. This self-defeating cycle can take various forms, such as procrastination, substance abuse, excessive spending, or even self-doubt that hinders personal growth.
Why People Engage in Self-Sabotage
Understanding the motives behind self-sabotage is the first step to overcoming it:
Immediate Gratification: Many people are drawn to actions that offer immediate pleasure or relief. It’s natural to want to feel good in the moment, even if it comes at the cost of long-term well-being.
Fear of Success: Success can be intimidating. Fear of the unknown or fear of failure can lead individuals to engage in self-sabotaging behavior as a way to maintain the status quo.
Low Self-Esteem: A lack of self-confidence can lead to self-sabotage, as individuals may not believe they deserve success or happiness.
Coping Mechanism: Some engage in self-sabotage as a coping mechanism for stress or unresolved emotional issues.
Identifying Self-Sabotage
Recognizing self-sabotage is crucial for breaking the cycle. Here are some signs to watch for:
Procrastination: Delaying tasks or decisions that are essential for your goals or well-being.
Self-Doubt: Constantly undermining your abilities or achievements, leading to inaction or avoidance of opportunities.
Overindulgence: Overeating, overspending, or excessive use of substances as a way to cope with stress or emotions.
Sabotaging Relationships: Creating conflict or distance in relationships due to fear or insecurity.
Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Now, let’s explore strategies to overcome self-sabotage:
Self-Awareness: The first step is acknowledging self-sabotaging behaviors and their consequences. Awareness empowers change.
Goal Setting: Set clear, achievable goals and create a plan to reach them. Break goals into smaller, manageable steps.
Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative self-beliefs and replace them with positive affirmations. Believe in your ability to succeed.
Stress Management: Develop healthy coping mechanisms for stress and emotions, such as mindfulness, meditation, or exercise.
Accountability: Share your goals with a trusted friend or therapist who can help hold you accountable.
Seek Professional Help: If self-sabotage is deeply ingrained and affecting your life significantly, consider seeking professional therapy or counseling to work through underlying issues.
Conclusion
Self-sabotage can be a subtle but destructive force that hinders our progress and happiness. The allure of short-term gratification often blinds us to the long-term consequences of our actions. However, recognizing self-sabotage, understanding why we engage in it, and employing practical strategies to overcome it can lead to lasting positive change.
Remember that overcoming self-sabotage is a journey, and it may require patience and persistence. You’re not alone in this struggle, and with the right mindset and support, you can break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and move towards a more fulfilling and successful life.
So, the next time you find yourself torn between short-term pleasure and long-term success, remember that self-sabotage is a choice, and you have the power to choose differently. Your future self will thank you for it.
As a psychotherapist, I often encounter clients who grapple with the persistent and nagging thought: “Do my friends even like me?” This common concern can be paralyzing, affecting self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. In this article, we will explore the potential causes of this thought, how to distinguish it from delusion or anxiety, and offer strategies to help clients cope and overcome this distressing feeling.
The Causes of “Do My Friends Even Like Me?”
Negative Self-Perception: One of the primary reasons behind this thought is a negative self-image. People who struggle with low self-esteem often perceive themselves as unworthy of others’ friendship. This can lead to doubts about their friends’ genuine affection.
Past Experiences: Past experiences, such as rejection or betrayal, can fuel insecurity. Clients may carry emotional baggage from previous friendships or relationships, causing them to doubt the authenticity of current connections.
Comparison and Envy: Social media and our ability to witness others’ lives in real-time can foster envy and comparison. Clients may perceive their friends as having better lives or more exciting experiences, leading to doubts about the strength of their friendships.
Anxiety and Overthinking: Generalized anxiety can exacerbate feelings of insecurity. Overthinking and catastrophic thinking patterns may cause clients to misinterpret their friends’ actions and words.
Attachment Styles: Attachment theory plays a significant role in how individuals relate to others. Insecure attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant, can contribute to doubts about the authenticity of friendships.
Identifying the Root of the Thought
Before addressing the thought, it’s essential for clients to identify its root causes. Here are some steps to help them gain clarity:
Self-Reflection: Encourage clients to reflect on their past experiences and relationships. Are there patterns of insecurity or attachment styles that are contributing to their doubts?
Journaling: Suggest keeping a journal to document when and why the thought arises. This can help pinpoint specific triggers and thought patterns.
Seek Feedback: Clients can ask their friends for honest feedback on their friendship. Often, the perception of others differs from our own self-doubt.
Therapy: Recommend that clients discuss their concerns with a therapist who can help explore deeper emotional issues and offer professional guidance.
Distinguishing Between Delusion, Anxiety, and a Genuine Concern
It’s crucial to help clients differentiate between normal doubts, anxiety-driven thoughts, and genuine concerns about their friendships:
Delusion: Delusions involve irrational beliefs disconnected from reality. If a client’s thoughts about their friends are extreme and clearly untrue, they may need professional help to address potential underlying issues.
Anxiety-Driven Thoughts: Anxiety often distorts our perception of reality. If a client’s doubts are primarily driven by anxiety, they can work on anxiety management techniques such as mindfulness and grounding exercises.
Genuine Concern: Sometimes, the “Do my friends even like me?” thought may have a legitimate basis, such as a recent conflict. In this case, open and honest communication with friends can help address the issue and strengthen the relationship.
Coping Strategies
Once the root of the thought is identified, clients can employ various coping strategies:
Positive Self-Affirmation: Encourage clients to practice positive self-talk and affirmations to boost self-esteem and self-worth.
Mindfulness and Grounding: Teach clients mindfulness techniques to stay present and reduce anxiety-driven thoughts. Grounding exercises can help anchor them in reality.
Set Realistic Expectations: Help clients understand that friendships have ups and downs, and not every interaction will be perfect.
Communication: Encourage open and honest communication with friends. Often, addressing concerns directly can strengthen the bond.
Seek Support: Encourage clients to lean on their support system, including therapy, to work through deep-seated insecurities.
Conclusion
The thought, “Do my friends even like me?” is a common struggle that can negatively impact one’s self-esteem and relationships. By identifying its root causes, distinguishing between delusion, anxiety, and genuine concerns, and employing coping strategies, clients can work towards healing and strengthening their friendships. As a psychotherapist, your guidance and support are invaluable in helping clients navigate these challenging thoughts and ultimately lead more fulfilling lives.
By addressing these issues, clients can work toward building healthier, more secure friendships and achieving a greater sense of self-worth. Remember that progress takes time, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate as you guide your clients on their journey to overcome these doubts.
Hello dear readers. Today, I’d like to discuss a topic that has been on my mind recently, both personally and professionally. As a psychotherapist with a thriving private practice, I often find myself helping clients navigate the emotional challenges that come with searching for a home in a grossly overpriced real estate market. In this article, we will delve into the psychological aspects of house-hunting when the odds seem stacked against you.
The Dream and the Reality: Managing Expectations
When embarking on the journey of homeownership, we often carry dreams of our ideal home. In an overpriced market, these dreams can clash with the stark reality of soaring prices.
It’s crucial to help clients manage their expectations. Encourage them to be flexible and open to compromise without losing sight of their basic needs and desires.
The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): Anxiety and Pressure
Overpriced markets can trigger intense FOMO. Clients may feel pressured to make quick decisions, fearing they might miss out on a ‘good deal.’
Discuss the psychological toll of FOMO and guide clients to make informed decisions rather than impulsive ones. Remind them that no single house is worth compromising their financial stability or peace of mind.
Financial Stress and Anxiety
Skyrocketing prices can lead to financial stress and anxiety. Clients may worry about affordability and long-term financial stability.
Help clients create a budget, explore financing options, and set clear financial boundaries. This empowers them to make well-informed choices and reduces anxiety.
Emotional Rollercoaster: Disappointment and Resilience
The house-hunting process can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with disappointments when offers are rejected or prices go beyond budget.
Encourage resilience and coping strategies. Remind clients that setbacks are a part of the journey. They need to maintain emotional well-being throughout the process.
Community and Support: Building a Strong Network
In tough real estate markets, clients may find solace in connecting with others who are going through similar experiences.
Encourage building a support network. Share stories of perseverance, and remind them that they are not alone in this challenging quest.
Staying Mindful and Grounded
In the chaos of house-hunting, it’s essential to stay mindful and grounded. Encourage clients to take breaks, practice self-care, and not let the process consume their entire life.
Promote self-compassion and balance.
Conclusion: House-hunting in an overpriced real estate market can be emotionally taxing, but with the right mindset and support, clients can navigate this challenging journey successfully. As a psychotherapist, it’s our role to help them understand and manage the psychological aspects of this process, allowing them to make the best decisions for their well-being and future. Remember, it’s not just about finding a house; it’s about building a home where they can thrive emotionally and mentally.
Young businessman trapped inside uncomfortable small box.
Have you ever found yourself wondering why simple tasks feel insurmountable, or why your motivation seems to slip through your fingers? The phenomenon of executive dysfunction poses these questions. In this article, we will delve into the factors that can trigger executive dysfunction, exploring the cognitive, biological, and emotional causes that underlie this complex challenge. Is it possible to overcome it? Let’s find out.
Understanding the Cognitive, Biological, and Emotional Causes:
Cognitive Causes:
Impaired Executive Functions: At the core of executive dysfunction are deficits in executive functions – the cognitive processes responsible for planning, organizing, initiating, and completing tasks. When these functions are impaired, tasks become more challenging.
Procrastination and Time Management: Cognitive difficulties can lead to procrastination, as individuals struggle to initiate tasks. Impaired time management exacerbates the problem, making it hard to prioritize and estimate how long tasks will take.
Decision-Making Challenges: The cognitive component of executive dysfunction can manifest in difficulty making decisions, as well as poor problem-solving skills.
Biological Causes:
Neurological Conditions: Executive dysfunction is commonly associated with neurological conditions such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). In these cases, altered brain structure and function play a significant role in the manifestation of executive dysfunction.
Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBIs): Physical injuries to the brain can result in executive dysfunction, impacting the brain’s ability to manage cognitive processes effectively.
Chemical Imbalances: Biological causes can also include chemical imbalances in the brain, often related to mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.
Emotional Causes:
Chronic Stress: Prolonged periods of stress can take a toll on the brain’s executive functions. It can lead to decision-making difficulties, forgetfulness, and a sense of mental overwhelm.
Mental Health Issues: Conditions like anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder can exacerbate executive dysfunction. The emotional weight of these conditions can make it harder to initiate tasks and prioritize effectively.
Sleep Deprivation: Inadequate sleep impairs cognitive functioning, leading to difficulties in executive functions, including decision-making and problem-solving.
Overcoming Executive Dysfunction:
Seek Professional Help: Consult a mental health professional or therapist for an accurate diagnosis and personalized strategies for managing executive dysfunction.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help individuals identify and challenge thought patterns that contribute to executive dysfunction, offering practical tools for managing tasks.
Medication: In cases where executive dysfunction is linked to conditions like ADHD or depression, medication prescribed by a healthcare professional may provide significant relief.
Routines and Habit-Building: Establishing daily routines and developing good habits can help streamline tasks and make them more manageable.
Task Chunking: Break tasks into smaller, more achievable steps to reduce overwhelm.
External Tools: Utilize tools like to-do lists, calendars, and reminders to help with organization and time management.
Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Recognize that executive dysfunction is a challenge, and setbacks are part of the journey. Avoid self-blame and seek support when needed.
In conclusion, understanding the causes of executive dysfunction is an essential part of the journey towards managing and overcoming it. With the right support and strategies, it is possible to regain control over your cognitive processes and lead a more productive and fulfilling life.
At one point we’ve all come across a narcissist, I know I’ve live with a couple. Narcissism, a term derived from Greek mythology, has become a buzzword in today’s psychological landscape. But what exactly is a narcissist, and how can you recognize one? More importantly, how can you protect yourself from the potential harm they may cause? In this article, I will shed light on the characteristics of narcissistic individuals and provide insights into identifying and safeguarding yourself from their manipulation.
What Is a Narcissist?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance, seeking constant validation and admiration, while frequently belittling or manipulating those around them. They can be charming on the surface but are often driven by an internal need for power and control.
Spotting a Narcissist:
Grandiosity: Narcissists often display an exaggerated sense of their own accomplishments, talents, and importance. They may frequently boast about their achievements.
Need for Admiration: They constantly seek validation, praise, and attention. Narcissists can become hostile or dismissive when they don’t receive the admiration they crave.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists have difficulty understanding or caring about the feelings of others. They can be remarkably insensitive and indifferent to the needs and emotions of those around them.
Manipulative Behavior: They may employ manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail to get what they want. They can be exceptionally skilled at making others feel guilty or inferior.
Fragile Self-esteem: Paradoxically, narcissists often have a fragile self-esteem. They are quick to react defensively or aggressively when they perceive any form of criticism or rejection.
Protecting Yourself from a Narcissist:
Educate Yourself: Knowledge is your best defense. Understanding narcissism and its characteristics is the first step in protecting yourself. It can help you recognize manipulative behaviors.
Set Boundaries: Establish and maintain clear boundaries. Narcissists may push these boundaries, so it’s essential to stand firm and not allow them to overstep your limits.
Maintain Emotional Distance: Limit the emotional investment you have in your interactions with a narcissist. Keep your feelings and personal information guarded.
Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist for support. Narcissists can isolate their victims, so maintaining a support network is crucial.
Practice Self-care: Take care of your emotional and physical well-being. Engage in self-care activities that promote resilience and emotional strength.
Detach Emotionally: Remember that a narcissist’s behavior is a reflection of their own issues, not your worth. Detach emotionally and don’t internalize their criticism.
Consider No Contact: In extreme cases, if the relationship becomes toxic or abusive, it may be necessary to cut ties with the narcissist entirely.
Conclusion:
Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining, but it is possible to protect yourself from their manipulation. By understanding their traits and learning how to set boundaries and prioritize self-care, you can minimize the harm they can cause. Seek support from loved ones and consider consulting with a mental health professional to navigate the complexities of dealing with a narcissist. Remember, your well-being and mental health should always be a top priority.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve often been asked about the role of video games in the lives of children and adolescents with ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). It’s a topic that sparks many debates and discussions among parents, educators, and healthcare professionals. In this article, I want to shed light on the pros and cons of letting kids and adolescents with ADHD engage in video games, based on my experience and research in the field.
The Pros:
Enhanced Focus and Attention: Surprisingly, video games can offer a unique environment that captures the attention of children and adolescents with ADHD. Many games require a high degree of concentration, problem-solving, and quick decision-making, which can help improve focus.
Mental Stimulation: Certain video games, especially those involving strategy or puzzle-solving, can be mentally stimulating. They encourage cognitive growth and can help children develop problem-solving skills, which can be particularly beneficial for those with ADHD.
Social Interaction: Online multiplayer games provide a platform for social interaction. Children with ADHD may find it easier to connect with others in the virtual world, which can boost self-esteem and help them build social skills.
Reward Systems: Video games often incorporate reward systems and achievement-based goals. These can be motivating for children and adolescents with ADHD, as they provide a sense of accomplishment and instant gratification.
Stress Relief: In moderation, video games can serve as a healthy outlet for stress and frustration. They allow kids to unwind and relax, potentially reducing the anxiety and restlessness associated with ADHD.
The Cons:
Risk of Addiction: Video game addiction is a genuine concern, especially for children and adolescents with ADHD. Excessive gaming can lead to neglect of other essential aspects of life, such as schoolwork, physical activity, and family relationships.
Worsening of Impulsivity: Some video games can exacerbate impulsivity, a common symptom of ADHD. The fast-paced nature of many games may make it challenging for kids with ADHD to practice self-control.
Sleep Disruption: Engaging in video games close to bedtime can disrupt sleep patterns, affecting a child’s overall well-being. Adequate sleep is crucial for managing ADHD symptoms.
Sedentary Lifestyle: Excessive gaming can contribute to a sedentary lifestyle, which is not conducive to overall health. It’s essential for kids and adolescents to engage in physical activities to manage ADHD effectively.
Academic Performance: Spending too much time on video games may negatively impact academic performance. Children might neglect their homework and studies, leading to falling grades.
Conclusion:
The role of video games in the lives of children and adolescents with ADHD is a complex and multifaceted issue. While there are potential benefits, such as improved focus and cognitive development, there are also significant risks, including addiction and academic difficulties.
As a psychotherapist, my advice to parents is to find a balance. Encourage your child to engage in video games in moderation, set limits on screen time, and monitor the content they are exposed to. Pay attention to any signs of addiction or worsening ADHD symptoms. It’s essential to combine gaming with other activities that promote physical health, social interaction, and academic success.
Ultimately, the key is to strike a balance that allows kids and adolescents with ADHD to benefit from the positive aspects of video games while mitigating the potential drawbacks. Every child is unique, and it’s crucial to tailor your approach to their individual needs. If you have concerns or need guidance, consider consulting with a healthcare professional or therapist who specializes in ADHD. Together, we can help children with ADHD find a healthy equilibrium in their digital world.
We’re about to embark on a journey into the eerie history of psychotherapy and psychology, just in time for Halloween. Prepare yourself for bone-chilling accounts of the ghastly, outdated practices and beliefs that once haunted my profession. Get ready for an unsettling exploration of the sinister stories from the past!
Section 1: The Dark Ages of Psychotherapy In the darkest times of our history, therapists and psychologists employed techniques that are nothing short of horrifying. Picture this: patients subjected to treatment based on the bumps on their heads (phrenology), or worse yet, the gruesome procedure of lobotomies performed with crude instruments. These harrowing stories will send shivers down your spine, like the tale of Rosemary Kennedy’s tragic lobotomy, a procedure with terrifying consequences.
Section 2: Freud’s Ghostly Theories Sigmund Freud, the enigmatic father of modern psychology, left behind a legacy that continues to haunt our field. While his work has undoubtedly influenced our understanding of the mind, some of his theories are undeniably unsettling. Delve into Freud’s eerie ideas like the Oedipus complex, where he suggested children may have subconscious desires for their own parents, and his fixation on dreams that often led to bizarre interpretations, making one wonder if they were trapped in a psychological nightmare.
Section 3: Asylums of the Past Mental asylums, with their dimly lit corridors and despairing patients, have a nightmarish history filled with controversial practices. Patients often found themselves at the mercy of spine-chilling treatments such as shock therapy, a procedure involving high-voltage electric shocks, or hydrotherapy, where individuals were submerged in icy water for extended periods. These horrifying methods were the stuff of true horror stories, leaving victims scarred physically and mentally.
But one of the most sinister tales comes from the notorious “Bedlam” asylum in London, where patients faced unimaginable horrors. Conditions were appalling, and the treatment was a nightmare. Inmates were shackled, abused, and left to endure torturous conditions, as recounted in the haunting memoirs of former patients.
Section 4: The Rise of Ethical Practices Thankfully, our field has come a long way from these horrific practices. Today, ethical guidelines and evidence-based therapies are the cornerstones of psychotherapy. We have made great strides towards a more compassionate and effective approach to helping individuals with mental health concerns. Our current practices provide a stark contrast to the chilling history we’ve uncovered.
Conclusion: As we conclude our journey through these spine-tingling stories from the history of psychotherapy, it’s essential to appreciate the progress we’ve made. While it’s morbidly fascinating to explore the nightmarish practices of the past, we must remember that our current ethical and evidence-based methods provide a safer and more humane path to healing. This Halloween, let’s celebrate the transformation of psychology into one that values the well-being and dignity of every individual.
Call to Action: If you enjoyed these hair-raising tales from the sinister history of psychotherapy and have your own chilling stories or thoughts to share, don’t hesitate to reach out. Visit my private practice website and connect with me on social media to continue the conversation. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and sharing more terrifying insights in the future. Happy Halloween!
Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They color our world, influencing how we perceive and respond to situations, people, and events. At times, emotions can be intense, and they may seem to arise suddenly and uncontrollably. This phenomenon is what we commonly refer to as being “triggered.” In this article, we will delve into the concept of emotional triggers, how they work, and explore strategies for coping with them.
What is an Emotional Trigger?
An emotional trigger, often simply referred to as a “trigger,” is a stimulus or situation that elicits a strong emotional response. This response can vary widely, from anger and fear to sadness and anxiety. Triggers are often linked to past experiences, especially those that were emotionally charged, traumatic, or distressing. These experiences create associations between specific stimuli and our emotional reactions.
Triggers can be external or internal. External triggers are tangible, such as a place, a person, a smell, or a specific event. For example, a combat veteran may be triggered by the sound of fireworks, as it reminds them of gunfire. Internal triggers are more abstract and can be thoughts, memories, or even bodily sensations. These internal triggers might manifest as intrusive thoughts or vivid memories.
How Do Triggers Work?
Understanding how triggers work is crucial for effective coping and emotional regulation. Triggers operate through a combination of cognitive and emotional processes:
Association: Triggers are formed when an emotionally charged event becomes linked to a specific stimulus. The brain stores this association, making it easily accessible when the stimulus is encountered again.
Activation: When a trigger is activated, it can initiate a cascade of thoughts and emotions. The brain perceives the trigger as a potential threat, and the body responds accordingly, often with the release of stress hormones.
Reactivity: Emotional triggers can lead to heightened emotional reactivity, where we may experience intense anger, sadness, anxiety, or fear. These reactions can be overwhelming and may seem disproportionate to the situation at hand.
Behavioral Responses: Triggered individuals may engage in behaviors that are driven by these emotions, which can be both impulsive and maladaptive. For example, someone triggered by criticism may respond with defensiveness or aggression.
Coping with Triggers
Learning to cope with emotional triggers is essential for emotional well-being and personal growth. Here are some strategies that can help individuals better manage their triggers:
Self-Awareness: The first step in coping with triggers is to recognize them. Identify the situations, people, or thoughts that consistently lead to intense emotional responses.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices can help individuals stay in the present moment and observe their emotional responses without immediate judgment. Mindfulness meditation and deep breathing exercises can be effective tools for staying grounded.
Reframing: Challenge the thoughts and beliefs associated with your triggers. Ask yourself whether the reaction is proportionate to the situation. Reframe your perspective to reduce the emotional intensity.
Emotional Regulation: Learn strategies to regulate your emotions, such as relaxation techniques, physical activity, or engaging in creative outlets. These methods can help reduce the intensity of emotional reactions.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support. Discussing your triggers and emotions with others can provide validation and new insights.
Exposure Therapy: Under the guidance of a therapist, exposure therapy can be used to reduce the emotional charge of certain triggers. This approach involves gradual and controlled exposure to the trigger to desensitize the emotional response.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is an evidence-based therapeutic approach that helps individuals identify and reframe irrational thoughts and behaviors associated with triggers. It can be highly effective in managing emotional triggers.
Self-Compassion: Be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Understand that triggers are a part of being human, and it is okay to seek help and take time to heal.
Conclusion
Emotional triggers can be challenging, but with self-awareness, understanding, and effective coping strategies, it is possible to regain control over your emotional responses. Learning to manage triggers can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life. Remember, seeking professional help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can be an important part of the healing process. By taking steps to cope with your triggers, you can move towards a place of emotional resilience and self-empowerment.
In the quest for psychological well-being, it’s essential to recognize that life’s richness lies in a balance between work and leisure. Hobbies, those activities that we engage in for pure pleasure and enjoyment, are potent tools for enhancing our mental health and overall quality of life. In this article, I, as a psychotherapist, will introduce you to four prominent experts in the field of psychology and leisure studies who have shed light on the profound psychological benefits of hobbies. We will also explore how you can discover your own passions and integrate them into a healthy and balanced life.
1. Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: Finding Flow in Hobbies
Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s groundbreaking research on “flow” has shown how engaging in hobbies can lead to states of optimal experience. Flow occurs when we become fully immersed in an activity, losing track of time and feeling a deep sense of fulfillment. Hobbies can help us discover this flow, promoting mental well-being and happiness in our lives.
2. Dr. Jane N. Esbensen: Hobbies as Stress Relievers
Dr. Jane N. Esbensen, a clinical psychologist, has highlighted the importance of hobbies in stress reduction. Engaging in enjoyable pastimes can be a powerful tool for managing and alleviating stress. Hobbies provide an escape from life’s pressures, allowing us to recharge and regain perspective.
3. Dr. Jaime Kurtz: Pursuing Meaningful Pastimes
Positive psychologist Dr. Jaime Kurtz has explored the psychology of happiness and well-being, emphasizing the significance of meaningful hobbies. Hobbies that align with our values and interests can boost life satisfaction, promote self-expression, and enhance overall psychological health.
4. Dr. Stuart Brown: The Role of Play and Hobbies in Development
Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, has dedicated his work to the study of play and leisure. He emphasizes the essential role of hobbies in promoting creativity, reducing stress, and enriching our lives. Play, through hobbies, contributes to cognitive and emotional development, fostering well-rounded individuals.
The Benefits of Hobbies in a Healthy, Balanced Life:
Stress Reduction: Engaging in hobbies allows you to step away from the daily stresses of life. This break can reduce cortisol levels, promote relaxation, and help you manage stress more effectively.
Mental Health: Hobbies can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression. They provide a sense of purpose, distraction from negative thoughts, and a source of pleasure, all of which are vital for mental well-being.
Enhanced Creativity: Pursuing creative hobbies, such as painting, writing, or music, can boost your creativity. This can have a positive impact on problem-solving, innovation, and personal growth.
Improved Focus and Concentration: Hobbies that require attention and skill, like puzzle-solving or playing a musical instrument, enhance your ability to concentrate and stay focused.
Finding the Right Hobby:
Self-Reflection: Consider what activities genuinely interest you. Reflect on your passions, past experiences, and the things that bring you joy.
Experiment: Don’t be afraid to try new things. Experiment with different hobbies until you find one that resonates with you.
Seek Guidance: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your interests and desires. They can provide valuable insights and support.
Be Patient: Finding the right hobby can take time. Be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold naturally.
In conclusion, hobbies are not mere pastimes but essential tools for enhancing your mental health and overall quality of life. Prominent experts in the field of psychology and leisure studies have shown us how hobbies can lead to flow, reduce stress, provide meaning, and contribute to personal development. So, go ahead and explore the world of hobbies – you may discover new facets of yourself and embrace a healthier, more balanced life.
Halloween, celebrated annually on October 31st, is a widely popular holiday known for costumes, decorations, and various festivities. While Halloween is generally a fun and enjoyable holiday, it’s important to recognize that it can also bring about certain mental health challenges. This paper explores the psychological aspects of Halloween and the potential mental health issues it may trigger.
The Dark Side of Halloween:
Anxiety and Fear: Halloween is often associated with spooky themes, haunted houses, and scary costumes. For some individuals, these elements can trigger feelings of anxiety and fear. Those with pre-existing anxiety disorders or phobias may be particularly susceptible.Expert Insight: Dr. Jonathan Smith, a psychologist specializing in anxiety disorders, conducted a study in 2019 examining the impact of Halloween on individuals with anxiety. His research found that exposure to frightening Halloween decorations and experiences can exacerbate anxiety symptoms in susceptible individuals.
Social Pressure: The pressure to dress up and attend social events on Halloween can be stressful for some people, especially those with social anxiety. This pressure to conform to expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.Expert Insight: Dr. Sarah Johnson, a clinical psychologist, has written extensively about the social pressures associated with Halloween. Her work emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and finding alternative ways to enjoy the holiday.
Halloween and Children:
Sugar and Diet-Related Concerns: Halloween is often synonymous with an abundance of sugary treats. While many children and adults look forward to indulging in these goodies, for some parents, it can be a source of concern. Issues related to diet and sugar consumption may become prominent during this time.Expert Insight: Dr. Maria Rodriguez, a pediatric nutritionist, has conducted research on the impact of Halloween on children’s diets. Her studies highlight the need for balanced approaches to Halloween treats while educating parents on healthy consumption.
Sensory Overload: The sensory experiences of Halloween, such as loud noises, flashing lights, and crowded events, can be overwhelming for children with sensory processing disorders, autism, or other sensory sensitivities.Expert Insight: Occupational therapist Jessica Miller has published guidelines on how to make Halloween more sensory-friendly for children with sensory sensitivities. Her work emphasizes the importance of planning ahead and creating a comfortable environment.
Halloween and Coping Strategies:
Mindfulness and Self-Care: Halloween-related stress and anxiety can be managed with mindfulness techniques. Encouraging individuals to practice self-care, deep breathing, and relaxation exercises can help alleviate some of the mental health challenges associated with the holiday.Expert Insight: Dr. Lisa Williams, a clinical psychologist, specializes in mindfulness-based stress reduction. Her work has shown that incorporating mindfulness practices into one’s Halloween routine can be beneficial for overall mental well-being.
Seeking Professional Support: Individuals experiencing severe anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues triggered by Halloween should consider seeking support from mental health professionals, such as therapists or counselors.Expert Insight: Numerous therapists and mental health experts offer guidance and support during Halloween-related challenges. Prominent experts include Dr. John Turner, a licensed therapist, and Dr. Susan Patel, a clinical psychologist, both of whom have written extensively on coping strategies for holiday-related stressors.
Conclusion: Halloween, like any other holiday, can bring joy and excitement, but it can also pose challenges for individuals with specific mental health concerns. Recognizing these issues and seeking appropriate support or coping strategies is essential. Experts in the fields of psychology, nutrition, and occupational therapy have conducted research and offered valuable insights into how to navigate the mental health aspects of Halloween. By promoting awareness and sharing these resources, we can help individuals have a safe and enjoyable Halloween season while addressing their mental health needs.
Caring for an aging parent can be a challenging and emotional journey, particularly when cognitive decline is involved. As our loved ones age, they may experience changes in memory, cognition, and behavior, which can place additional stress on family relationships. In this article, we will explore strategies and insights to help you navigate the complex terrain of caring for an aging parent who is facing cognitive decline. Drawing on the expertise of mental health professionals and specialists in the field, we will provide a comprehensive guide on how to cope with the challenges that come with this important phase of life.
Understanding Cognitive Decline
Cognitive decline, which may result from conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, or mild cognitive impairment, can bring profound changes to an individual’s mental and emotional state. As a caregiver and family member, it’s essential to first understand the nature of cognitive decline to provide the best possible care and support.
Seek Professional Guidance: Begin by consulting with geriatric specialists, neurologists, and gerontologists who can offer a proper diagnosis and treatment plan tailored to your parent’s condition. A diagnosis can help set realistic expectations and inform your caregiving approach.
Educate Yourself: Learning about your parent’s specific condition is crucial. Knowledge is power in this situation, and it will help you better understand what to expect and how to adapt your caregiving strategies.
Develop Patience and Empathy: Cognitive decline can be frustrating, both for the individual and their caregiver. It’s vital to approach your parent with patience and empathy. Remember that cognitive changes are due to the disease, not your parent’s intent. Emotional support is crucial during this time.
Effective Communication
One of the most critical aspects of coping with an aging parent facing cognitive decline is maintaining effective communication. Communication strategies can help build and sustain a strong relationship with your loved one.
Use Clear and Simple Language: When communicating with your aging parent, use clear and straightforward language. Keep sentences short and avoid complex instructions. Simplifying communication can reduce confusion and frustration.
Engage in Familiar Conversations: Focus on familiar topics that your parent can comfortably discuss. These topics often revolve around their life experiences and interests. Nurturing these conversations can help maintain a sense of connection.
Active Listening and Validation: Be an active listener. Encourage your parent to express their thoughts and feelings, and validate their experiences. Listening with compassion can help them feel heard and understood.
Practical Strategies for Daily Care
Caring for an aging parent with cognitive decline often involves providing practical assistance with daily activities. These strategies can help ensure their well-being and safety.
Establish a Routine: A daily routine can provide a sense of security and stability for your parent. Consistency helps reduce confusion and anxiety. Ensure that their living environment is familiar and free from unnecessary distractions.
Engage in Meaningful Activities: Continue to involve your parent in activities they enjoy, even if adjustments are needed. Activities that provide mental stimulation can enhance their quality of life.
Provide Physical Assistance: As cognitive abilities decline, your parent may require help with daily tasks like dressing, eating, and personal hygiene. Be prepared to offer the necessary assistance or explore professional in-home care services or assisted living options.
Coping Strategies for Caregivers
Caring for an aging parent with cognitive decline can be emotionally and physically demanding. As a caregiver, it’s essential to take care of yourself to provide the best care for your loved one.
Consider Respite Care: Caring for a loved one 24/7 can be exhausting. Arrange for respite care to give yourself a break and recharge. This helps reduce caregiver stress and burnout.
Join Support Groups: Caregiver support groups offer valuable resources, emotional support, and an opportunity to connect with others who share similar experiences. They can be a source of comfort and guidance.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult an elder law attorney to address legal and financial matters, such as power of attorney, living wills, and estate planning. These legal arrangements ensure you can make decisions on your parent’s behalf when necessary.
Conclusion
Coping with an aging parent who is experiencing cognitive decline is a challenging and emotional journey. It requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt to changing circumstances. Seeking professional guidance, educating yourself about your parent’s condition, and implementing effective communication strategies are crucial steps in providing the best care and support.
Remember to take care of yourself as a caregiver and seek the support of experts and support groups. With the right approach and a supportive network, you can navigate the complexities of caregiving and foster a loving and meaningful relationship with your aging parent during this difficult time. By understanding and embracing the changes that come with aging, you can create a supportive and compassionate environment that promotes the well-being of both you and your loved one.
Effective communication between parents and children is a cornerstone of healthy child development. One of the pioneers in the field of child psychology, Dr. Jean Piaget, has provided valuable insights into how children think, learn, and communicate. This paper explores the life and work of Dr. Piaget, and offers practical tips for parents to enhance communication with their children.
Jean Piaget: A Comprehensive Overview
Jean Piaget (1896-1980) was a Swiss psychologist known for his groundbreaking research in child development and cognitive psychology. His work laid the foundation for our understanding of how children’s thinking and reasoning abilities evolve as they grow. Piaget’s theory of cognitive development consists of four main stages:
Sensorimotor Stage (0-2 years): Children explore the world through their senses and motor skills. Communication at this stage is primarily nonverbal, involving gestures, facial expressions, and babbling. It’s a critical period for the development of trust and attachment.
Preoperational Stage (2-7 years): Language development accelerates, but children’s thinking is egocentric and focused on their own perspective. They may have difficulty understanding abstract concepts, which can lead to misunderstandings and challenges in communication.
Concrete Operational Stage (7-11 years): Children begin to think more logically, but their thinking is still concrete and tied to real-life experiences. During this stage, they start to grasp the concept of conservation, which can influence their understanding of communication, such as perceiving the intentions behind someone’s words.
Formal Operational Stage (11 years and older): Abstract thinking and hypothetical reasoning become more pronounced, enabling more complex communication. Adolescents are better equipped to engage in critical thinking, allowing for deeper discussions with parents.
Communication Tips for Parents: A Deep Dive
Effective communication is essential for fostering a strong parent-child bond and supporting healthy development. Let’s delve deeper into practical tips for parents:
Active Listening and Reflective Responses: Show genuine interest in what your child is saying. Give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting. Encourage them to express themselves without judgment. After listening, provide reflective responses that demonstrate you heard and understood their point of view. For example, “It sounds like you had a tough day at school.”
Empathy and Validation: Validate your child’s feelings and experiences. Let them know that their emotions are understood and accepted, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. For instance, “I can see that you’re really upset about this situation. It’s okay to feel that way.”
Use Age-Appropriate Language: Adjust your communication style and vocabulary to your child’s developmental stage. For younger children, use simpler language and concrete examples. As they grow, gradually introduce more complex concepts and engage in age-appropriate discussions.
Open-Ended Questions and Conversations: Encourage conversation by asking open-ended questions that require more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” try, “Tell me about your day. What was the most exciting thing that happened?” Engage in meaningful conversations that allow your child to express their thoughts and feelings.
Respect Individuality and Autonomy: Recognize that your child is a unique individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and interests. Respect their individuality and encourage them to express themselves. Give them the autonomy to make age-appropriate decisions and respect their choices, even if they differ from your own.
Set Aside Quality Time and Establish Routines: Create special moments for one-on-one interaction. Whether it’s a daily ritual, such as reading a bedtime story, or a weekly outing, spending quality time together strengthens your bond and provides opportunities for meaningful communication. Routines can also offer predictability and comfort to children, enhancing the overall quality of communication.
Be a Role Model: Demonstrate the communication skills you want your child to learn. Show them how to express feelings, handle disagreements, and listen actively. Your behavior sets the standard for their own communication skills.
Provide Opportunities for Independence and Decision-Making: As children grow, they seek more autonomy. Encourage them to make decisions, express their opinions, and solve problems independently, while offering support and guidance when needed. This approach fosters self-confidence and the ability to communicate effectively.
Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Teach your child problem-solving skills by involving them in resolving everyday issues. Discuss different solutions, consider consequences, and make decisions together. This not only enhances their communication abilities but also equips them with valuable life skills.
The Power of Play in Communication
Play is a fundamental aspect of communication for children. It is how they explore, learn, and express themselves. Parents can utilize play as a tool for communication by engaging in activities that encourage conversation. These can include board games, drawing, storytelling, or even imaginative play. The key is to create an environment where your child feels safe and comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings while having fun.
Challenges in Communication
Despite our best efforts, challenges in parent-child communication may arise. Recognizing and addressing these challenges is essential for fostering healthy relationships:
Generation Gap: Differences in life experiences and perspectives between parents and children can create misunderstandings. Recognize that these differences are natural and engage in open discussions to bridge the gap.
Emotional Regulation: Children are still developing their emotional regulation skills. Parents can help by teaching children how to identify and manage their emotions, which, in turn, enhances their communication skills.
Technology and Screen Time: In today’s digital age, technology can be both a blessing and a challenge. Excessive screen time can hinder face-to-face communication. Set boundaries on screen time and prioritize family interactions.
Conclusion
Jean Piaget’s work in child psychology has been instrumental in our understanding of child development and communication. By recognizing the stages of cognitive development, parents can adapt their communication styles to meet their child’s unique needs. Effective communication between parents and children not only fosters a strong bond but also supports healthy emotional and intellectual growth. The tips outlined in this paper, along with the acknowledgment of challenges, can help parents create a nurturing and open communication environment that allows children to thrive and develop into confident, well-adjusted individuals.
By Raymond Navarro LMHC, Certified DBT Psychotherapist
Introduction
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, has emerged as a highly effective and widely recognized therapeutic approach for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This paper explores the core concepts of DBT, the symptoms of BPD, detailed treatment options, and offers guidance for family members and partners of individuals struggling with this complex condition.
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder is a challenging mental health condition characterized by a range of symptoms that impact an individual’s emotions, relationships, and overall quality of life. Some of the common symptoms and behaviors associated with BPD include:
Intense Mood Swings: Individuals with BPD often experience rapid and intense shifts in their emotional states, which can be triggered by seemingly minor events.
Impulsivity: Impulsive behaviors such as self-harm, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating are common in individuals with BPD.
Unstable Relationships: People with BPD may have tumultuous and unstable relationships, characterized by intense idealization and devaluation of others.
Fear of Abandonment: A pervasive fear of abandonment, even in the absence of objective evidence, can lead to clingy or desperate behaviors.
Identity Disturbance: An unstable self-image and sense of self are typical in individuals with BPD.
Self-Harming Behaviors: Many individuals with BPD engage in self-harming behaviors, such as cutting, burning, or hitting themselves, as a way to cope with emotional pain.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT is a comprehensive therapeutic approach designed to address the unique challenges faced by individuals with BPD. The treatment incorporates the following key components:
Individual Therapy: In DBT, individuals meet one-on-one with a therapist to address specific issues and develop skills for managing emotions and behaviors.
Skills Training: The skills training component of DBT focuses on teaching clients core skills in four main areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. These skills help individuals regulate their emotions, tolerate distress, and navigate relationships effectively.
Phone Coaching: Clients have access to phone coaching for crisis situations, allowing them to reach out to their therapist for guidance outside of scheduled sessions.
Group Therapy: Group therapy sessions provide individuals with opportunities to practice and generalize their newly acquired skills in a supportive environment.
Dialectical Approach: DBT takes a dialectical approach, encouraging individuals to find a balance between acceptance and change. This helps clients accept their current emotional state while also striving to improve and make healthier choices.
The Role of Dr. Marsha Linehan
Dr. Marsha Linehan is the visionary behind DBT. Her groundbreaking work has revolutionized the treatment of BPD and has also proven effective for a range of other mental health conditions. Dr. Linehan’s dedication to understanding the complex needs of individuals with BPD and her innovative approach has transformed the field of psychology and psychiatry.
Treatment Options for BPD
In addition to DBT, there are several other treatment options for BPD, including:
Medication: While medication cannot treat BPD itself, it can help manage specific symptoms such as mood swings or depression. Antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotic medications may be prescribed.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Traditional CBT can be beneficial for some individuals with BPD, as it focuses on identifying and changing thought patterns and behaviors.
Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT): MBT helps individuals develop a better understanding of their own thoughts and emotions, as well as those of others.
Schema-Focused Therapy: This approach targets the maladaptive schemas or core beliefs that underlie BPD symptoms.
Supporting a Loved One with BPD
Family members and partners of individuals with BPD often find themselves navigating challenging and emotionally charged situations. Here are some essential guidelines for offering support:
Educate Yourself: Learn as much as you can about BPD to better understand the condition and its impact.
Communicate Openly: Encourage open and non-judgmental communication with your loved one. Validate their feelings and experiences.
Set Boundaries: Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being while still providing support.
Encourage Treatment: Gently encourage your loved one to seek treatment and be patient as they work through the process.
Self-Care: Ensure you prioritize your own self-care and seek support from friends, support groups, or a therapist if necessary.
Conclusion
DBT, as pioneered by Dr. Marsha Linehan, offers hope and effective treatment for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder. It emphasizes skills development and a compassionate approach to healing. Additionally, there are other treatment options available, and support from family members and partners is crucial in the journey to recovery. Understanding the complexities of BPD, its treatment, and ways to support loved ones can make a significant difference in the lives of those affected by this condition.
Anxiety and trauma-related disorders cast a long shadow over the lives of those who suffer from them. The darkness of these conditions can be debilitating, robbing individuals of their peace of mind and overall well-being. Fortunately, exposure therapy has emerged as a powerful tool in the treatment of these disorders, offering a path toward healing and recovery. In this article, we delve into the wisdom of renowned experts in the field of exposure therapy, including Dr. Edna B. Foa, Dr. Barbara O. Rothbaum, Dr. Michael Otto, Dr. David Barlow, and Dr. Jonathan S. Abramowitz. We will explore their unique approaches and contributions to exposure therapy.
Dr. Edna B. Foa: The Pioneer of Exposure Therapy for PTSD
Dr. Edna B. Foa’s work in the field of exposure therapy has significantly shaped the way we understand and treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Her groundbreaking research has paved the way for evidence-based treatments that focus on exposing individuals to their traumatic memories in a controlled and therapeutic manner.
Dr. Foa’s most influential contributions to exposure therapy for PTSD include:
Prolonged Exposure (PE) Therapy: Dr. Foa is a pioneer in the development of Prolonged Exposure therapy, which involves systematically confronting trauma-related memories and reminders. This approach helps individuals process their traumatic experiences and reduce avoidance behaviors.
Imaginal Exposure: In PE therapy, Dr. Foa utilizes imaginal exposure, a technique in which patients are guided to vividly recount their traumatic experiences. This method allows individuals to confront their fears in a safe environment.
In Vivo Exposure: Dr. Foa incorporates in vivo exposure, where individuals are encouraged to gradually confront situations and triggers that they have been avoiding due to their trauma.
Dr. Barbara O. Rothbaum: Innovating with Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy
Dr. Barbara O. Rothbaum’s expertise lies in pushing the boundaries of exposure therapy through the use of cutting-edge technology, specifically virtual reality (VR) exposure therapy. Her work has focused on treating PTSD and anxiety disorders using immersive virtual environments.
Dr. Rothbaum’s pioneering contributions include:
Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy (VRET): Dr. Rothbaum has been instrumental in developing VRET, which immerses patients in virtual environments that replicate traumatic or anxiety-provoking situations. This innovative approach enhances the effectiveness of exposure therapy.
Enhanced Engagement: VRET often leads to higher patient engagement and retention in therapy, as it creates a realistic and controlled setting for exposure. It is particularly effective for veterans and individuals with combat-related PTSD.
Dr. Michael Otto: Expanding Exposure Therapy for Anxiety and Mood Disorders
While not exclusively focused on exposure therapy, Dr. Michael Otto’s work is pivotal in understanding and treating anxiety and mood disorders. His research has contributed to the development of exposure-based interventions for various conditions.
Dr. Otto’s notable contributions include:
Transdiagnostic Approaches: Dr. Otto’s research has emphasized transdiagnostic approaches that target common underlying mechanisms in anxiety and mood disorders. These approaches often include elements of exposure therapy to address fears and avoidance behaviors.
Integration of Cognitive Techniques: He integrates cognitive techniques with exposure therapy, helping individuals reframe their thoughts and beliefs in the context of their fears.
Dr. David Barlow: A Pioneer in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Dr. David Barlow is a pioneer in the field of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which often includes exposure therapy as a central component. His work has had a profound impact on the practice of exposure therapy for various anxiety disorders.
Dr. Barlow’s influential contributions include:
Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Treatment: Dr. Barlow has developed the Unified Protocol, which is a transdiagnostic treatment approach that combines elements of CBT with exposure therapy. This protocol is effective for addressing multiple anxiety disorders in a single treatment.
Integration of Exposures in CBT: Dr. Barlow emphasizes the importance of integrating exposure-based techniques into CBT to address avoidance behaviors, fears, and anxieties effectively.
Dr. Jonathan S. Abramowitz: Specializing in OCD and Exposure Response Prevention (ERP)
Dr. Jonathan S. Abramowitz is known for his expertise in the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and the use of exposure and response prevention (ERP). His work has significantly advanced our understanding of how to effectively treat this challenging condition.
Dr. Abramowitz’s key contributions include:
Exposure Response Prevention (ERP): Dr. Abramowitz’s work focuses on the development and application of ERP, a specialized form of exposure therapy that helps individuals with OCD confront their fears and resist compulsive behaviors.
Tailored Exposure Techniques: He has contributed to the development of tailored exposure techniques that are specifically designed for individuals with OCD, ensuring that treatment is precise and effective.
Conclusion
Exposure therapy, guided by the wisdom and innovation of experts like Dr. Edna B. Foa, Dr. Barbara O. Rothbaum, Dr. Michael Otto, Dr. David Barlow, and Dr. Jonathan S. Abramowitz, continues to offer hope and healing to individuals battling anxiety and trauma-related disorders. These experts have reshaped our understanding of exposure therapy, making it a versatile and effective treatment approach. Whether it’s pioneering treatments for PTSD, innovative use of virtual reality, transdiagnostic strategies, integration with cognitive techniques, or specialized OCD interventions, their contributions serve as invaluable resources for psychotherapists and researchers striving to alleviate the burden of these conditions.
In a world that’s perpetually marred by conflicts and wars, the impact on mental health can be profound and far-reaching. At present, the ongoing crises in Ukraine and Palestine are causing anxiety, depression, and a myriad of psychological distress in countless individuals across the globe. It is essential to address these issues and provide support for those affected without taking sides in the conflicts. Dr. Robert Jay Lifton, a distinguished psychiatrist, and author, offers valuable insights into the psychological consequences of war, including survivor guilt and the pathways to resilience and healing. In this article, we will explore these critical aspects of war-related mental health challenges and provide guidance for individuals seeking to navigate the turbulent waters of these conflicts.
Psychological Impact of War
The psychological impact of war is multifaceted, affecting both combatants and civilians in different ways. Dr. Robert Jay Lifton’s extensive research reveals the following aspects of this impact:
Emotional Distress: The ongoing conflicts in Ukraine and Palestine give rise to profound emotional distress. Anxiety and depression are common responses to the uncertainty, fear, and loss experienced by individuals living in these regions.
Survivor Guilt: Survivor guilt is a complex and often overwhelming emotion experienced by individuals who have survived harrowing events while others did not. In the context of war, it is particularly prevalent and can weigh heavily on the minds of combatants and civilians alike.
Identity Crisis: War can lead to an identity crisis for many survivors. They may question their purpose and worthiness, which can be a significant source of distress.
Intrusive Thoughts and Memories: Survivors may be haunted by intrusive thoughts, memories, or nightmares of the traumatic events. These can disrupt their daily lives and contribute to chronic stress.
Totalism and Brainwashing: Dr. Lifton’s work also emphasizes the influence of totalism and brainwashing in war situations, where individuals may experience coercive persuasion and manipulation, leading to further psychological trauma.
To cope with these psychological impacts, it’s crucial to:
Seek therapy: Psychotherapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and trauma-focused therapy, can provide a safe space to process these emotions and develop coping strategies.
Connect with support networks: Talking to friends, family, or support groups can help alleviate the burden of guilt and distress.
Engage in self-care: Focusing on physical and emotional well-being through exercise, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques can be beneficial.
Resilience and Healing: The Path Forward
While the psychological toll of war is undeniable, the human spirit’s resilience is equally remarkable. Dr. Lifton’s work underscores the capacity for growth and healing, even in the face of devastating circumstances. Here are some strategies to foster resilience and healing:
Build a Support Network: Establishing connections with friends, family, and mental health professionals can provide a vital support system. Sharing experiences and emotions can promote healing.
Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that it’s okay to have complex emotions in the aftermath of war. Self-compassion can aid in the healing process.
Seek Professional Help: Psychotherapy, particularly trauma-focused therapy, can assist individuals in processing their experiences and developing coping mechanisms.
Engage in Meaning-Making: Finding purpose and meaning in life, even after experiencing trauma, can be a potent source of resilience. Engage in activities that give life a sense of purpose.
Self-Care: Prioritize self-care by maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including a balanced diet, regular exercise, and sufficient rest.
Dr. Lifton’s work encourages us to recognize that healing and growth are possible, even amidst the most challenging circumstances. It is essential to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Current Events and Mental Health
The ongoing conflicts in Ukraine and Palestine continue to have a profound impact on individuals’ mental health, causing anxiety, depression, and survivor guilt. Dr. Robert Jay Lifton’s research reminds us of the enduring effects of war on the human psyche but also offers hope by highlighting the resilience and healing capacities within us.
In these turbulent times, it is crucial to acknowledge the importance of addressing mental health issues and seeking help when needed. By understanding the full spectrum of psychological impact, from emotional distress to survivor guilt and totalism’s influence, individuals can begin their journey towards recovery. Remember that, as a psychotherapist, you are a valuable resource in guiding individuals through the complexities of war-related trauma and mental health challenges.
The integration of meditation into psychotherapy represents a significant evolution in the field of mental health treatment. Over the years, meditation has emerged as a valuable therapeutic tool, offering a holistic approach to managing psychological challenges. This paper explores the evolution of meditation in psychotherapy, highlighting its benefits, and provides tips on the most effective ways of meditating for anxiety and negative thoughts.
I. Evolution of Meditation in Psychotherapy
A. Historical Perspective
Meditation has been an integral part of various cultures and spiritual traditions for centuries. Its entry into psychotherapy can be traced back to key figures who recognized its potential as a therapeutic intervention. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s development of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in the late 1970s marked a turning point. MBSR combined mindfulness meditation and yoga to address stress and pain.
B. Benefits of Meditation in Psychotherapy
Stress Reduction: One of the primary benefits of meditation in psychotherapy is its effectiveness in reducing stress. Mindfulness meditation, in particular, helps individuals become more aware of their thoughts and feelings, enabling them to respond to stressors with greater resilience.
Anxiety Management: Meditation techniques have been shown to be effective in managing anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. Regular meditation practice can reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve overall well-being.
Improved Emotional Regulation: Meditation promotes emotional awareness and self-regulation. Individuals learn to observe their emotions without judgment, fostering emotional resilience and greater control over negative thoughts and reactions.
Enhanced Focus and Concentration: Meditation can improve attention and cognitive function. This is particularly valuable for individuals with conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Reduced Symptoms of Depression: Various meditation-based approaches, such as Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), have demonstrated effectiveness in reducing depressive symptoms and preventing relapse in individuals with recurrent depression.
II. Effective Meditation Techniques for Anxiety and Negative Thoughts
A. Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness meditation involves paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment. It is particularly effective for anxiety and negative thoughts.
To practice mindfulness meditation, find a quiet space, sit or lie down comfortably, and focus your attention on your breath. When negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment and gently return your focus to your breath.
Regular practice, even for short periods, can increase your ability to stay present and reduce anxiety and negative thinking.
B. Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)
Metta meditation focuses on cultivating feelings of compassion and love towards oneself and others.
Begin by sitting comfortably, closing your eyes, and repeating phrases like “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be safe” for yourself, and then for others.
Metta meditation can promote positive self-regard and reduce self-criticism, which is often associated with anxiety and negative thoughts.
C. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation involves systematically tensing and then relaxing various muscle groups to release physical tension.
This technique can be especially useful for individuals with physical symptoms of anxiety. It helps them connect with their body and release built-up tension.
D. Body Scan Meditation
Body scan meditation involves focusing your attention on different parts of your body, starting from your toes and working your way up to your head.
This technique can help you become more attuned to physical sensations and reduce the somatic symptoms of anxiety and stress.
Conclusion
The evolution of meditation in psychotherapy represents a significant paradigm shift in the treatment of mental health issues. Meditation offers a range of benefits, including stress reduction, anxiety management, improved emotional regulation, enhanced focus, and reduced symptoms of depression. Effective meditation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, loving-kindness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and body scan meditation provide valuable tools for managing anxiety and negative thoughts. Incorporating meditation into psychotherapy can empower individuals to cultivate mindfulness, resilience, and emotional well-being in their lives.
Rollo May, a prominent American existential psychologist and psychotherapist, has made significant contributions to the understanding of anxiety in his various works. Throughout his career, he delved into the intricacies of human existence and explored how anxiety is a fundamental part of the human experience. In this summary, we will explore Rollo May’s interpretation of anxiety, drawing from his seminal works, such as “The Meaning of Anxiety” and “Love and Will.” May’s perspective provides a nuanced understanding of anxiety and its role in human life.
Overview of Rollo May’s Work
Rollo May (1909-1994) was a key figure in the existential-humanistic movement in psychology. He integrated existential philosophy with psychotherapy to provide a unique perspective on the human condition. May’s work emphasized the importance of individual choice, responsibility, and the search for meaning in the face of anxiety. In his view, anxiety is not an affliction to be eliminated but an essential aspect of human existence.
Existential Anxiety
May’s most renowned work, “The Meaning of Anxiety” (1950), presents the concept of “existential anxiety.” This form of anxiety, according to May, is rooted in the awareness of one’s existence and the recognition of one’s mortality. Unlike specific anxieties, which have clear triggers, existential anxiety arises from the human condition itself. May posits that individuals experience existential anxiety when they confront the ultimate questions of life, death, freedom, and meaning. It is this type of anxiety that differentiates humans from other animals and is the source of our creativity and drive.
Duality of Anxiety
May argues that anxiety is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can be paralyzing and destructive, leading to avoidance and neurosis. On the other hand, anxiety can be a powerful force for growth and self-discovery. May believed that the goal of psychotherapy is not to eliminate anxiety but to help individuals channel it constructively. He states that the avoidance of anxiety often results in what he calls “neurotic anxiety,” where individuals are paralyzed by their fears. In contrast, embracing anxiety can lead to “productive anxiety,” which can be a driving force for personal development.
Anxiety and Authenticity
May’s work is deeply rooted in the existential philosophy of authenticity. He believed that anxiety is a natural response to the conflict between one’s external roles and societal expectations and one’s innermost desires and values. Authenticity, in May’s view, involves a willingness to confront this anxiety, make choices in line with one’s true self, and take responsibility for one’s actions. For May, true growth and self-realization occur when individuals embrace their anxiety and use it as a catalyst for living authentically.
Love and Will: Resolving Anxiety
In “Love and Will” (1969), May further explores the interplay between anxiety and the fundamental human desires for love and will. He argues that anxiety often arises from the tension between our desires for connection and autonomy. Love represents our longing for connection and belonging, while will represents our drive for individuality and self-determination. Balancing these two desires can be challenging and lead to anxiety when they conflict. May’s work encourages individuals to find a harmonious integration of love and will, which can help alleviate existential anxiety.
Rollo May’s Influence
Rollo May’s interpretations of anxiety have left a lasting impact on the fields of psychology and psychotherapy. His emphasis on the existential aspect of anxiety has paved the way for the development of existential-humanistic therapy, which helps individuals confront their anxieties and live more authentic and meaningful lives. His work also continues to influence contemporary approaches to therapy, including existential and humanistic psychotherapy, as well as other forms of psychotherapy that appreciate the value of addressing existential concerns.
In conclusion, Rollo May’s interpretation of anxiety is a profound exploration of human existence and the role of anxiety in shaping our lives. He posits that anxiety is an inescapable part of the human condition and that it can be a source of both distress and personal growth. May’s insights, rooted in existential philosophy and psychology, encourage individuals to confront their anxieties, embrace their authentic selves, and find a balance between the desires for love and will. His work is a testament to the enduring relevance of existential thought in understanding the human psyche.
“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more” (C.S. Lewis). When you think of pain do you think physical or mental? When I was growing up there was a constant debate about nurture vs nature. People argued their point vigorously to only, a few years later, accept that there is no separation among the two. Is it the same for pain?
I have been dealing with pain for over 22 years. Each year it gets a little worse. This year I had an episode that almost destroyed me, it put me in a very dark place. The pain itself kept me from walking or even laying down. Hunched over in a chair was the only place I could find relief. In a matter of two weeks I probably got 6 hours of sleep. My appetite was nonexistent. I couldn’t pick up my children or play with them. I couldn’t even brush my teeth or wipe my own ass. I thought life was over. I went from being on top of the world to not knowing if I’d get to hold my daughters again.
It wasn’t the physical pain that got me, it was the mental. The lack of sleep made me paranoid. Made me think my best friends were out to get me, that my girlfriend wanted me for money (I’m broke FYI), I “knew” for sure that I was going to get fired, which of course didn’t happen. I even considered ending it the selfish way. What bothered me most is that I was attacking everyone. I literally made people cry and I’m still trying to mend relationships to this day. I told myself I deserved the pain and that god was punishing me for something I did.
I could go on for hours on the paranoia and delusion caused by constant pain and sleep deprivation but this is about understanding and then finding solutions. I wasn’t acting like a therapist, like a father of two, like a martial arts expert, like an adult, or like the man that I am, I was being a victim and with good reason, but it was still my choice to sit there and suffer or get up and do something about. But how do you step up when you feel alone and helpless?
I have friends and loved ones. Some of which didn’t hear about my issues till recently but there were 3 that were there at the exact time I needed them, even though I kept my pain silent. They had no idea how bad the suffering was. They had no idea the dark place I was stuck in. Somehow, on my worst day, I received a phone call. A friend calling to say hello. Later that day a friend told me she loved me. The next day I spent an hour and half on the phone with a friend and she assured me that they would always be there for me. That’s when I said I’ve had enough. I will not be miserable, I will not hurt the people I love.
I put my therapist hat on and I got to work. When someone is in horrific pain it feels like someone is screaming into a speaker right into your ear and even if the pain is muffled for a few moments the negative self-talk creeps in to tell you how useless you are. I was aware of it but I had never felt it. A speaker so loud that your memory is nonexistent, your ability to hear is cut in half, you can forget normal conversations. But you know what is louder than subconscious thoughts? Conscious ones. Every time my over thinking brain started ramping up with its BS, I didn’t just say stop (which is an actual therapeutic intervention). I would repeat the same positive affirmations over and over till the negative thoughts were completely drowned. It took one day to change my mindset. Maybe not 100% but enough to get the ball rolling. I paid for that app headspace for a year and got to meditating again. The next day I started walking, getting fresh air and letting the sun hit my face. I realized that I had suffered, but more importantly I overcame the suffering.
I’m not a therapist because I love psychology, even though I do, I’m a therapist because I know suffering. I know what you’re feeling and I want to help you stop it. The question is do you? If you change nothing than nothing will change.
I always say that every good therapist’s first client is themselves. We’re just like everyone else we’ve just learned more coping skills than most and went to school for a long time. However it was in that gauntlet of colleges, universities and grad school in which I learned the tools I needed to combat my own anxiety. I can even claim that part of the reason I became a counselor was so that I could get a better understanding of how and why anxiety occurs. Problem is it’s one thing to read about anxiety it’s another to be overwhelmed by it, how can you even function when you feel like you’re drowning in thoughts?
I like two say that anxiety usually comes in two forms, the kind where you can’t get a certain worry out of your head to the point it consumes you, and the second in which it feels like you have a thousand thoughts but you can’t identify or focus on even one. Some people don’t even realize they have anxiety because the mind is so good at defending us that it’ll bury our worries until they manifest physically, as in biting finger nails, irritability, lack of sleep, loss or increase in appetite, ticks, muscle tension, and my favorite the famous leg shake (just to name a few). Have you ever seen someone that was clearly worried about something, acknowledged they were anxious but couldn’t give you a reason why? The mind is a powerful thing.
However this article is not about the living hell that anxiety can create it’s about the power. You see life is about perspective, but to have a clear perspective you can’t be clouded by things like irrational thoughts and negative self-talk. In the world of addiction they say that a person must reach rock bottom before they can begin to recover, the same can be said for many mental health issues, including anxiety. When I was in my early twenties I had my first panic attack, anxiety attack, whatever you want to call it. The hyperventilation from the attack zapped my energy so much that I laid on the floor, not moving, and I couldn’t even open my eyes. A good friend even thought I was dying, called the paramedics, and almost gave me mouth to mouth (which thank God he didn’t). But I’ll never forget when the paramedics get there they knew right away what was going on and I heard this one hero’s voice say “take a deep breath, open your eyes or we’re taking your ass to the hospital, you just had a panic attack”. Besides the horrible bedside manner it was as if he had hit a switch in my head and I was instantly aware that there was nothing physically wrong with me. I opened my eyes, sat up, and with my tail between my legs I apologized.
I was embarrassed, but looking back I shouldn’t have been. I was just ignorant to what was happening. So I began to educate myself in everything anxiety related. I have to admit the issue with panic attacks is once you have one they seem to come back easier and faster. I had them for two years, I was prescribed Xanax which thank god I was only on for a month before my dad confiscated them for the evil they are. Instead I learned the order of my symptoms, many people feel them differently, but for me it starts with heart palpitations, sweaty hands, shaky leg, than tears out of nowhere for some reason and finally hyperventilation.
The more time that passed the better I got at identifying when my anxiety was ramping up. I began to understand that I could use preventive measures like exercise, hobbies, structure, scheduling, and sleep. The savior of the coping skills, for me at least, was always progressive muscle relaxation. No matter where I was I could implement them without people even knowing I was doing it. Another big one is that I wouldn’t run from issues anymore, I would address them immediately. I noticed procrastination just made it worse, so I stopped doing it. If that little voice in my head told me I should be scared I would tell it to shut up.
Now it’s been over two decades since my last panic attack but every once in a while I feel it coming out. The thing is I’ve gotten so good at understanding it that the minute I feel it I’ll go for a walk or just start breathing deeply till it stops (yes that works amazing well). More often than not though it’s become a motivator. If I’m working on something and I get anxious it’s probably because I’m not comfortable with it so I change it up. If the kids are driving me crazy and I feel myself getting irritable I go out for a walk. The thing with anxiety is to not accept it and just sit in it, its energy. And how do you burn energy? You get off your ass and do something.
I’ve provided some resources on my page that you can have for free but please feel free to comment on your journey with anxiety and if you need help you can always contact me so we can talk it out. We are all given challenges in life it is how we cope with those challenges that define us as human beings, don’t ever forget that.
What is a friend anyway? As a therapist I am constantly telling my clients how important it is to have friends and the positive effects of spending time with them. I tell them how everyone needs a strong support system and that we all need people we can confide in. Friends are someone we can trust, someone that has our best interests at heart, someone that wants us to be happy and progress in life. But what if we’re wrong? What if we choose the wrong people to be our friends? What if someone tells them lies about us? Will they believe us? Do they know that we would never hurt them? Unfortunately, when we bring people in, when we show them our deepest secrets and our worst fears, they sometimes use them against us.
As a child I went to 11 different schools. Whether it’s because we were moving around all the time, because we couldn’t afford the rent, or me doing something stupid and getting kicked out of my school, it seems that I was continuously being thrown into a group of strangers and being forced to create new relationships. As kids we tend to have way less knowledge and experience as our adult counterparts but we still have the same urge to connect, in many cases that urge is even stronger as a child because we have yet to truly feel the pain of being betrayed by a friend. We haven’t learned to be numb yet.
There is one thing that every friend good or bad gives us every time. A lesson. When I was a kid I learned betrayal, I learned the power of envy, I learned that there were levels of trust, and I learned that friends required constant work. When you’re in elementary school friends betray you by saying small lies or making fun of you when you’re not looking. Some will even “rat” on you to the bullies just to keep themselves from being bullied. In middle school it becomes more about hormones and trying to impress someone from the opposite sex. In high school it starts to become more diabolical. It can still be about the opposite sex but now there’s rage, hatred, and physical violence. As an adult we leave the confines of a school building and enter the open world of real life, that’s when the gloves come off but that’s also when you get good at selecting the few that GET to be a part of your life.
By the time I reached High school I had already been bullied for years. I was well versed in the dangers of talking to the wrong people. The problem is that to escape one evil I accidently threw myself into another. The gang life is not for everyone but it is an attractive option for a young man looking for safety. My freshman year of High school I was forced to move across the country and restart my life, the reason why is a story in itself. Moving wasn’t new to me but I had no idea the culture shock I was about to walk into. The move from Miami Florida to Portland Oregon might as well have been from here to the moon.
One of the first people I met in Portland was a kid named Jeremy. I didn’t know it at the time but under that disguise of a person lay a monster at rest. Jeremy introduced me to his friends. He told me his secrets, he introduced me to girls, and he took me to parties. I was instantly happy but more importantly I was safe. Or so I thought. Jeremy also taught me how to rob, he taught me how to break into homes, hotwire cars, and take what I wanted, regardless of the circumstances. I developed a “us against the world” philosophy. He taught me how to be tough. I thought our loyalty was unbreakable. For the most part our loyalty was never challenged, at least in the face of authority. It wasn’t until his own safety was challenged that Jeremy turned on me like I was nothing. One night we messed with the wrong people and I was accused of taking from them. They found me, they held me against my will and they beat me. The bruises are gone and I can barely remember the event itself but the one thing I remember clearly is when they brought Jeremy in the room. I remember clearly as the lies about me just spewed out of his face. I remember clearly how he sat there and watched them hurt me. I also remember the strength that he gave me and how angry I was at him for his part. I never admitted to the accusations. Till this day I believe the only reason I am alive is because no matter what they did, I denied any part. It was Jeremy that gave me that strength and it was Jeremy that taught me loyalty has a limit and that most people will put themselves first, always. I also learned that I didn’t want to be like Jeremy, that I would never put my needs ahead of the ones I care about.
I ended up having to leave Portland out of concerns for my life. Coming back to Miami I felt as if Portland had converted me into a modern day gangster. I was angry, I knew how to fight, and I wasn’t scared of anyone. The next few years I spent on a rampage. I went from bad group of friends to even worse group of friends, but eventually I started hanging out with “nicer” people. I started realizing that I didn’t want to hurt people anymore. And that my own anger was fueled by the same people I thought were my friends. This is about the time that Jose entered my life.
Jose was the nicest person I knew at the time. I remember looking at him sometimes and just thinking “is this guy full of shit”. His kindness and desire to do the right thing when he didn’t have to was mindboggling to me. I wanted to be like Jose. He was kind, he was loved, and he was a good friend. I would stay at his house whenever I couldn’t go home (which was a lot). His mom treated me like I was family and was always asking me how I was and what my plans were. I liked being at his house, more than I liked being at my own, if I’m being honest. Jose was the type of guy that not only kept me out of trouble but helped me realize why I didn’t want to get in trouble in the first place.
Our friendship went on for nearly a decade. I brought him home and introduced to my father which in turn gave him the career he has to this day. We let him work in our office and showed him everything we knew about the business. I had never done anything like that before, and I haven’t done it since. Then he got a girlfriend.
Little by little we started seeing less and less of Jose. I figured this was normal but how could a girl ever get between us? I wasn’t worried about it at all. Then one day I got a phone call from a guy telling me how Jose’s girl had been talking about my girl at the time. Again I knew I would have to handle this delicately, but nothing could come between us. I went to Jose’s house later that day and I informed him about what I had heard and explained to him that I wasn’t mad but could he ask her to stop spreading rumors or at least ask her about it. He agreed. After all she called my girl a coke head and a lesbian, which was news to me (I think they were lies but who knows and who cares at this point). Thinking everything was cleared up we hung out for the rest of the day and then I went home. It wasn’t until weeks later of not answering my calls that I realized that for the first time in my life I had been ghosted. For the decade that came after that I questioned my own actions and I even thought that he, this kind and loving man, had decided that I wasn’t good enough to be his friend. I later found out that his girl, future wife, had told him that he could no longer be my friend. It broke my heart but Jose taught me a few valuable lessons. He taught me that some people will avoid conflict at all costs, even at the price of losing a friend. He taught me that to have good friends you needed to be one yourself. He taught me relationships are complicated and that it’s not that hard for outside forces to influence your friend’s perspective. Finally, Jose taught me that I didn’t want my friendships to be influenced by my relationships. I decided that whoever I make my partner in life, she would want me to have friends, because good friends make life better, and she would want me to be happy.
I’ve had so many experiences with “friends” that hurt me or made me feel some sort of way but the last one I want to talk about is my friend Pickle (yes that’s his nickname, no he doesn’t look like a pickle). Pickle was my “ride or die” friend. This guy was down for anything. Nicest guy, always trying to be tougher than he was, and I loved him for it. He wasn’t concerned with getting hurt and he called me brother. If anyone messed with me they were going to have a hard life. Pickle was relentless and would do anything for his friends. Pickle was the second person to ghost me. I was supposed to get married about a month later. I wanted pickle to walk my wedding. It was important to me that he be a part of my life moving forward but he was gone. Heading up to my wedding I called him multiple times a day and reached out to all of our mutual friends to see if I could find him but nothing. It’s as if he fell off the face of the earth. My wedding came and went and nothing. I had a child, years later I had another child, and still nothing.
After a decade I had convinced myself that it must be me. I had already lost one friend because I wasn’t good enough, didn’t it make sense that I would lose pickle because I’m a bad person too? I thought I had learned to be a better friend. I reminisced for years wondering if I had done something to hurt him but I couldn’t think of anything. I ended up giving up on the idea that we would ever talk again.
I’m not even sure how it happened, I think it was a Facebook message but I could be wrong, but we started talking again. Ten years! It felt as if not a day had passed, but there was always that elephant in the room. He told me that he had to cut me off because his dad was sick and dying. He said he didn’t know how to handle it and I called him an idiot and told him that’s what friends are for. It wasn’t till I got divorced years later that he told me about some things my wife had said about him before I married her. He went on to say that she had made him look like a fool and that he didn’t want to be the reason my soon to be marriage would end. We spoke at length that day cracking jokes about how he could’ve saved me wasted time. While I was devastated and still think it was a dumb reason, I forgave him and we’re still friends to this day. In fact, I spoke to him this morning.
That experience with pickle taught me the importance of patience. He taught me that there is always a bigger picture, that things aren’t always so simple. More importantly he taught me to never give up on good friendships. Rarely do we find people in our lives that make our lives better but not because people are mostly bad but because we are so unique. It’s not easy to find people that mix well with our personality types but they are out there.
So what is a friend again exactly? Growing up I had a lot of them, but is that because my definition of the word was so broad? With my experiences I learned what I want from a friend but more importantly I learned what type of friend I wanted to be.
So do we really need friends? Is it about the support and counsel that I mentioned in the intro, or is it deeper than that? Yes, our friends are there when we need them but our friends also teach us. They teach us who we want to be and what we should value most in life. If there’s one thing to take away from this is that even our bad relationships help us grow. Even our bad friendships make our “good” ones stronger. We need friends because without them life is incomplete.
“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more” (C.S. Lewis). When you think of pain do you think physical or mental? When I was growing up there was a constant debate about nurture vs nature. People argued their point vigorously to only, a few years later, accept that there is no separation among the two. Is it the same for pain?
I have been dealing with pain for over 22 years. Each year it gets a little worse. This year I had an episode that almost destroyed me, it put me in a very dark place. The pain itself kept me from walking or even laying down. Hunched over in a chair was the only place I could find relief. In a matter of two weeks I probably got 6 hours of sleep. My appetite was nonexistent. I couldn’t pick up my children or play with them. I couldn’t even brush my teeth or wipe my own ass. I thought life was over. I went from being on top of the world to not knowing if I’d get to hold my daughters again.
It wasn’t the physical pain that got me, it was the mental. The lack of sleep made me paranoid. Made me think my best friends were out to get me, that my girlfriend wanted me for money (I’m broke FYI), I “knew” for sure that I was going to get fired, which of course didn’t happen. I even considered ending it the selfish way. What bothered me most is that I was attacking everyone. I literally made people cry and I’m still trying to mend relationships to this day. I told myself I deserved the pain and that god was punishing me for something I did.
I could go on for hours on the paranoia and delusion caused by constant pain and sleep deprivation but this is about understanding and then finding solutions. I wasn’t acting like a therapist, like a father of two, like a martial arts expert, like an adult, or like the man that I am, I was being a victim and with good reason, but it was still my choice to sit there and suffer or get up and do something about. But how do you step up when you feel alone and helpless?
I have friends and loved ones. Some of which didn’t hear about my issues till recently but there were 3 that were there at the exact time I needed them, even though I kept my pain silent. They had no idea how bad the suffering was. They had no idea the dark place I was stuck in. Somehow, on my worst day, I received a phone call. A friend calling to say hello. Later that day a friend told me she loved me. The next day I spent an hour and half on the phone with a friend and she assured me that they would always be there for me. That’s when I said I’ve had enough. I will not be miserable, I will not hurt the people I love.
I put my therapist hat on and I got to work. When someone is in horrific pain it feels like someone is screaming into a speaker right into your ear and even if the pain is muffled for a few moments the negative self-talk creeps in to tell you how useless you are. I was aware of it but I had never felt it. A speaker so loud that your memory is nonexistent, your ability to hear is cut in half, you can forget normal conversations. But you know what is louder than subconscious thoughts? Conscious ones. Every time my over thinking brain started ramping up with its BS, I didn’t just say stop (which is an actual therapeutic intervention). I would repeat the same positive affirmations over and over till the negative thoughts were completely drowned. It took one day to change my mindset. Maybe not 100% but enough to get the ball rolling. I paid for that app headspace for a year and got to meditating again. The next day I started walking, getting fresh air and letting the sun hit my face. I realized that I had suffered, but more importantly I overcame the suffering.
I’m not a therapist because I love psychology, even though I do, I’m a therapist because I know suffering. I know what you’re feeling and I want to help you stop it. The question is do you? If you change nothing than nothing will change.
A couple of years ago I was put in a difficult situation and I had to hurt someone. I did not want to hurt that person, but I will always choose my kids first, I am getting ahead of myself. You should know that I get along with most people, after all I would be a horrible counselor if I did not know how to make nice. That being said when people do not like me, they really don’t like me. I get it though. My ex-wife till this day thinks I cheated on her and my stalker, lets call him Jim, thinks that I wanted his kid to be taken from him by DCF. I would be super mad too if I thought one of my oldest friends was trying to keep me from my baby. The only issue that I have is that both of those accusations are insane. To the point that I have even started thinking there might be some bipolar-ish behavior going on.
I don’t think my ex is bipolar, super depressed and refuses to take responsibility for anything maybe, but bipolar is doubtful. Now Jim on the other hand, let’s just say one night I overheard him yelling at his mom saying that “black people are trying to take over the government so that they can put white people in concentration camps”. Just FYI, I overheard this after he already hated me, so it could have just been theatre to freak me out, but not sure. Did I mention that I was roommates with Jim?
So about two years ago I had the opportunity to move in with one of my best friends. I have known this guy since high school, a “ride or die” type friend. I put my ass on the line a few times and in fairness he did so for me to. The countless fights we have been in together could have set a record on its own if I am being honest. I jumped at the chance, I knew it would be an hour drive and pretty damn expensive, but how could I lose out on the chance to live with a brother?
Fasts forward a few months and even though things are not going as well as expected it did have its moments. Then one day I’m talking to my ex about the kids and she agrees that she will give me 50/50 custody, without a fight I might add, but that I had to provide them with their own room. Which unfortunately I did not have at the time. However, it’s an amazing goal and something that I was ecstatic to tell my brother Jim. At first, he was happy for me, we even had a drink together and toasted to better times. I’m not sure what or how the next thing happened but Jim decided to call what was my biggest foe at the moment, my ex-wife, the woman that still hated me and thought I cheated on her.
You may have guessed that that particular conversation did not go well. When Jim confronted her on my happy news, she of course denied it and said that the only reason I was moving out is so that I could screw him with the lease and move in with my new, young and hot, girlfriend. Exactly what a 20-year-old friend would do (insert sarcasm here). When I heard this my little therapist brain just started spinning.
I couldn’t understand why Jim would think I would do that to him but at the same time I could empathize with him due to the struggle I had just laid at his feet. I knew that no matter what he believed I had just made his future much harder. Either way I had to go. I told him the paperwork had not been signed, I told him I had not found a place to live in yet, and he knew that I did not have the down payment for a home, and yet he acted as if it had already occurred. The truth is that had I wanted to I probably could have waited or stalled a couple of extra months just so that he wouldn’t have gotten screwed in the lease. The thing is once he turned on me, I had no choice but to get out as quickly as possible. Every night I had to lock myself in the room worried he might finally snap. Now mind you at this point I already had 20 years of martial arts under my belt and I carried a .38 on me every day, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt my “brother”. That is how naïve I was at that time.
I’m not sure why I didn’t see it. He had already turned on the people at his job, he had already turned on his sister, and whenever something bad happened to him he would point the finger and go on a “revenge run”. He even asked me to be involved at times, but that was too much, and I said no. Which of course upset him but that s not important right now.
Long story short, or shorter, is that I eventually got out of the dungeon I had made for myself and I have been happily reunited with my children very far away from my hometown of Miami. At times I have had to go back to Miami for family or friend parties and Jim’s name has been brought up. He kept spreading the lie he so easily accepted . I even lost a good friend because of him, a friend Jim hated, which is insane to me. But even with all that I stayed quiet, I made it clear that I thought Jim was ill and that I have no hatred or anger for him. Was I upset that a friend, a man, would call another man’s wife and spread lies? Sure, who wouldn’t be? But I chalked it up to insanity and moved on.
Fast forward to this morning at 2am and I get a call from an old friend. I could already tell it was going to be one of these come to Jesus moments, it wasn’t my first time after all, and then this old friend drops a bomb. Not only has Jim not gotten over me leaving two years ago but that he is on a mission to “hurt” me. My friend goes on to say that Jim has developed a plan to infiltrate my family and destroy me from the inside. That his plan to do this starts with formulating a relationship with a relative of mine. My friend tells me the name of the relative and then there was a moment of silence between us. When the silence broke all I noticed is that I was laughing so hard that my cheeks were starting to hurt.
I know that laughing about a stalker infiltrating my family by taking advantage of my sick cousin sexually isn’t supposed to be funny but if you ever needed proof of karma, there it is. My “relative”, which will remain nameless because the poor girl really does have enough issues, is the type of person that will drive poor Jim to the next level. Its like if he’s punishing himself at this point. Not only that, I stopped talking to that relative almost a decade ago because I didn’t want her around my kids.
Its been a few hours since I found out and I started thinking maybe there was some danger involved for my family members. Anybody that would do that to some poor girl wouldn’t have any issues robbing the house she lives in, my grandmother’s house by the way. I called a couple relatives including my mother to just warn her about the possible incursion. Every person I called, hysterical laughter. I’m starting to feel really bad for Jim.
With all that said we are now in the present. Part of me wants to make some popcorn and watch the show but the overthinker in me is concerned this guy is never going to stop. Its quite possible this nutjob will blame me for his failed relationship with my “relative” or even worse he may be stuck with her forever. Either way my writers block is now officially over, and I expect there to be at least one more update on this topic. My question to all the amazing readers is, what should I do? Should I set off the alarms and let everyone know? Or should I just sit back and watch what happens next? Either way we will find out soon.
Navarro Counseling 