We defy Foundation Veterans Day event

Hey guys as an abassador at the We Defy Foundation Im proud to invite you to join us this Veterans Day in celebrating and honoring those that risk their lives everyday for us. Whether you want to sign up you and your friends for a 5k run or your a dojo that is willing to commit to a veterans day open mat now is your chance to show support for a great cause. For more info click on The links below or go to http://www.wedefyfoundation.org or go to my bio on ig @navarro_counseling and We Defy Foundation

What is Boredom?

By Ray Navarro MS

What’s that quote “an idle mind is the devils playground”? I don’t know, I’ll have to look that one up later. I’m sitting here, my girlfriends is in front of me working on her crafts business, her kids are running around the house making noise and doing God knows what, I’m watching TV, my favorite thing FYI Jiu Jitsu, and yet here I am so bored that I feel like I’m going to explode at any second. Luckily I’m aware enough to understand that the thoughts telling me to yell at the kids are just a creation of my stress. My desire to start an argument with my girl is just some subconscious way of coping with my boredom. Sounds like self-sabotage if you ask me.

As a therapist and suffering over thinker, I couldn’t just let go of how my brain was influencing my behavior, it felt irresponsible. Is it possible I just wasn’t comfortable in my own skin? Or maybe this was another way of my subconscious warning me that my anxiety is really high? Have I been using my coping skills…? Have I been doing my breathing exercises? Have I been exercising as much as possible? Have I been reaching out to my support system? No I haven’t. It seems like such a burden and life is so “impossible sometimes”, getting off the couch seems like an Indiana jones mission.

I have this weird feeling that most people that are bored are bored because of their perspective and their expectations. As a therapist I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen kids with every video game system, a loving family, involved in sports, and plenty of friends, yet they’re bored and want more. Should we try to lower their expectations? Is it okay to be satisfied with what you have? Most people will tell you yes, even most therapists, but what happens with ambition when you lower someone’s expectations, does that disappear?

How about learning to live with your boredom? Living in the moment and doing a gratitude list? What about watching a movie with the family or playing some “bored” games? As soon as I wrote that they started crying, so I’ll take that as a no. As you can see I don’t have many answers to helping you with your boredom because the truth is boredom is usually relative. What I can tell you is that by processing and “playing out the tape” on it I was able to find one thing to put a dent on my boredom, I wrote this letter. Maybe your one thing was reading it? The bottom line is If you’re bored, distract yourself till you’re not.

Therapy fundraiser

@simplystephcreations can make basically whatever you want but if you buy anything jiu jitsu related a portion of the proceeds will go to @navarro_counseling to help pay for therapy for low income families. Make sure it’s okay with your dojo first. Remember to visit and follow http://www.navarrotherapy.com for anything mental health related #fundraiser #bjj #wedefyfoundation #anxiety #depression #love

Blog responses

Virus vs Quarantine? Mental vs physical health?

Jiu jitsu for the mind… but the teacher is the guide. Oss

If you don’t know, now you know. So proud of prof Nei and my dojo. #Jiujitsu is the ultimate therapy and I should know as a therapist. #anxiety #depression follow me on Instagram @navarrotherapy

3 life-changing lessons Jiu-Jitsu taught me.

Do you know Jiujitsu? I have learnt 3 major life lesson from that sport and I want to share them with you today. Have a drink, sit back and read.

3 life-changing lessons Jiu-Jitsu taught me.

The Stigma of Anger

By Ray Navarro MS 

When I was a kid, I was an angry one. I was bullied, picked on, and at times I was even chased from school all the way home. I grew up hating people. I used my anger as a way of not just protecting myself but also as a way of getting respect. I felt if people were afraid of me then they wouldn’t mess with me. Nothing could have been farther from the truth, people just avoided me. They didn’t see the hurt kid that was lashing out because he was sad, they saw an asshole that was making everyone else’s life a living hell.

As a therapist I’ve come to learn that anger is a secondary emotion. What does that mean? That means that anger can’t come from itself. You don’t automatically become angry, there is always a trigger, whether you see it or not. Cause guess what, anger also clouds the mind. There are many reasons to get angry but over the years of working in mental health I’ve broken it down to just a few. 1. Sadness. Anger is a defense mechanism for sadness because most of us perceive sadness as weak and how dare we be sad because of what someone else did to us, “they deserve to pay”. 2. Ignorance. This one usually evolves into hate. Many people are confused by what they don’t understand. And confusion can cause a whole mess of issues with self-esteem and self-confidence, so what does the brain do? It defends you. “I’ve never seen blue people like that, they must be different than me, they must want to use me or hurt me, they’re gonna mess up our country, they’re going to steal and hurt our women and children” complete idiocy through ignorance. 3. Fear. This is one that strikes home for many people. How many time have you been scared to do something but you got that nagging friend or parent that keeps insisting you do it? What eventually happens? “Leave me the hell alone I already told you I’m not doing it and I’m tired of your BS” or maybe you even blame the other person for your fear so that you can deflect your own fear without even knowing!

The last one on my list of anger triggers was given to me by another therapist, “the fear that an injustice has been committed”. Maybe you see veterans getting yelled at in the airport; or an old lady being pushed to the floor by some young delinquent; or maybe you thought you did better on that evaluation than your boss gave you credit for. All of these are good reasons to be angry, the problem is in how we react to that anger. Anger is normal. Its human nature, but it’s something that needs to be managed not controlled. We can’t hold anger forever we’ll eventually blow up. You have to let it out little by little. Use introspection, why am I angry? Use a ten second rule before responding when you’re angry, it’ll give you time to bypass the emotion and use logic. Exercise is my favorite coping skill, just run it out or go to Jiu Jitsu. The one thing I know for sure is that if you’re not using your anger to fight injustice than your anger has no point. Anger is perspective, stress is the number one killer in our country, add them together and your angry perspective will literally kill you. Or at the very least cut some years off your life.

Next time you get angry ask yourself two things, “is this worth my health” and “is this going to improve my situation”. If the answer is yes than rage away, but if it’s not, take a breath and give me a call. You are never alone.

Ray Navarro MS